Toxic people, in general, do not own up to their actions and the influence they have on others. “Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships.”
Some siblings consistently behave in toxic ways and refuse to stop the cycle of sibling abuse—they refuse to respect your boundaries and continue to push. For example, they always ask for your help for more than you can give, and when you refuse, they emotionally blackmail or guilt-trip you.
Examples of a gaslighting family member include: Statements like, “I never said that”, used to destabilize you and question previous events. They use your personal weaknesses to prey on you, and lead you to believe that others see you in a negative light by saying things like, “everyone thinks you're…”.
Insisting that an event or behavior you witnessed never happened and that you're remembering it wrong. Spreading rumors and gossip about you, or telling you that other people are gossiping about you. Changing the subject or refusing to listen when confronted about a lie or other gaslighting behavior.
There is no right way to deal with a toxic family member. Only you can decide how much contact is right for you. And you will know if and when you need to walk away in order to save yourself. Just know that its okay to end a toxic relationship even with a family member.
Until your sister acknowledges the harm she's caused and the lack of emotional awareness she's mixing into your relationship, taking some space is absolutely fine. Cutting off a family member with these toxic traits is justified, but you might consider leaving the door open to reconciliation later on down the road.
Cutting ties with toxic family members is an act of self-care. Not something you do because you're mean or spiteful. It's something you do to protect your physical and mental health. It's never easy to cut someone out of your life.
Despite not genuinely caring about you, your toxic sibling will always have the need to take charge of your life — especially if they're older. Sometimes, they act as if they were your parents and you were still a little child that needed to be raised. They want to control every aspect of your life.
Examples of sibling emotional abuse include name-calling, belittling, teasing, insulting, threatening, destroying property, relational aggression, intimidation and asserting power or control.
She makes catty remarks about you
Does your sister say catty things to you that make you think she doesn't know you at all? If she did, she wouldn't say such hurtful things. The problem with a jealous sister is that they feel inadequate and envious of your life, so they want to bring you down and spoil your happiness.
Abuse is abuse, no matter who it's carried out by. Sibling abuse, just like other forms of abuse, can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Toxic people thrive in dramatic situations. They inflame emotions and create conflict. They love stirring the pot to see what happens. People are often toxic because they're not interested in being stable and healthy in relationships.
Grieving a relationship with a family member
“There can be a real grieving process when cutting off a toxic family member,” says MacMillan. “Grief that the relationship is not working, especially if it once did.
Distance can be healthy. People often think of siblings as ready-made friends, but that's not always the case. We tend to give siblings a pass on problematic behaviors because they're family.
"Occasionally sibling relationships just don't work out," Collins told Insider. "Cutting the chord is extreme and should always be the last resort because even if it brings relief, it's always sad. However sometimes terminating a relationship is necessary for self-preservation."
Feelings of extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, maintaining close relationships, or feeling worn out after a visit with your family are all signs you grew up in a toxic family.
"If a family member is not capable of curtailing their negative interactions with you or your children after you have asked them to do so, and it is clear your children are not benefiting in some way from that relationship, then there is no point to continue to maintain a hurtful relationship," says Dr. Halpern.
10 Signs & Red Flags You're Being Gaslighted. If you recognize these signs in your relationships, you may be the victim of gaslighting; they include denial, minimization, blame-shifting, isolation, withholding, causing confusion or doubt, criticism, projection, narcissism, and love bombing.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.