Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.
They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
The most official of the narcissism tests, the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), is commonly used to determine if someone displays narcissistic behaviors.
An often effective way to point out a person's narcissism, while at the same time allowing the individual flexibility to change, is to separate the behavior from the person. For instance, instead of stating “you're a narcissist,” say “you're acting like a narcissist,” or “this [specify the behavior] is narcissistic.”
Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and licensed therapist, wants anyone who is in a narcissistic relationship to stop saying one phrase: "You make me feel." It's a way of expressing yourself that has many permutations, like 'when you say that, you make me feel guilty,' or 'when you do that, you make me feel angry.
Look at the narcissist, smile, and say no.
When the narcissist asks for something from you or wants you to do something, smile and say NO! Then sit back and see how they react to your boundaries.
The Narcissistic Personality Inventory
The NPI is the most widely used clinical measure for diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder. According to a 2005 study published in the academic journal Personality and Individual Differences, the inventory is indeed reliable, at least in terms of test-retest reliability.
What do you need to change about yourself or your life? If you ask a narcissist this question, they will either tell you there's nothing they need to change, or they'll give you answers such as they need to make more money, or they need to get a better car or move into a larger home.
A narcissist will shower you with affection in order to get you on side. They aim to disarm and distract you from their flaws and from the reality that the relationship will be constructed around getting their needs met, rather than real affection. Narcissism is a thorny issue in romantic relationships.
There are four distinct phases that these types of relationships typically go through: idealization, devaluation, discard, and hoover. And at times, it may feel like you are on a not-so-merry-go-round going round-and-round through these phases many times over.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Toxic People, for the Most Part, Are Narcissists
Narcissists have absolutely no concerns outside of their own needs and desires. They don't care about the people around them as much as they care about themselves.
A narcissist will never feel empathy for others no matter how cruel he can be – there won't be any guilt, while a selfish spouse can still feel guilt and empathy. A narcissist feels entitled and superior, and that's it, and he'll make it clear that he won't and will never deal with people he thinks are lesser than him.
Control, control, control. A narcissist needs to have control over the situation they're in. Whether that's in a relationship, in a social scenario, or something else, a narcissist will manipulate the circumstances to maintain control.
In this case, you might expect examples of narcissist text messages such as “I'm in the hospital, but I'm ok now,” “I can't feel my arm, but I don't think I should worry, should I?”, “I've had some bad news, but there's nothing you can do about it.”
A new study describes a single question that appears to be nearly as accurate at identifying narcissists than a commonly used narcissist diagnostic test 40 items long. And that single question is this: “To what extent do you agree with this statement: I am a narcissist.
Lack of empathy
They expect others to think and feel the same as they do and seldom give any thought to how others feel. They are also rarely apologetic, remorseful, or guilty. Some narcissists also lack an understanding of the nature of feelings. They don't understand how their feelings occur.