difficulty empathizing with another person's feelings. not easily sharing emotions or feelings. difficulty committing to another person or a relationship. not making another person a priority when they should be.
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Emotionally available people tend to be able to do the following: Experience your own feelings to the fullest extent. Share these feelings with another person and allow them to witness your internal experience so you can connect deeply with them. Open your heart even when there is a chance of disappointment.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
One of the most common signs that someone is emotionally unavailable is that they don't reveal or show their actual feelings around you. And while you may encourage them to open up and be able to express their emotions, they never let their guard down around you to say what's really on their mind.
Remember, emotional unavailability often stems from a deeper fear of intimacy or rejection — fears that can complicate someone's experiences with love. If falling in love feels scary or threatening, it's only natural that they might want to try and avoid it entirely.
What Causes Emotional Unavailability? While there is no one explanation for emotional unavailability, it can be caused by a number (or combination) of factors. These include attachment styles developed in childhood, history in relationships, trauma, mental health conditions, and one's circumstances and priorities.
Anxiety is about fear, and fear is one of the root causes of an emotionally unavailability: fear of intimacy, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of being hurt, fear of being judged, irrational fear of death and/or fear of being exposed as less than who they portray themselves to be.
Emotional unavailability can be managed, but it often requires the person to acknowledge this blockage and seek help. In that case, a mental health professional may be able to support the self-exploratory process with psychotherapy or counseling. This can take years, though.
' If not managed with enough care and awareness, being with an emotionally unavailable partner can be damaging, and it leads not only to feelings of loneliness and isolation but can even erode your self-esteem. Therefore, as much as possible, we should learn how to notice when a partner is emotionally unavailable.
Causes of Emotional Unavailability
“It can leave the emotionally available person feeling quite lonely, invalidated, and even rejected,” Robinson-Brown says. “Moreover, it can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.”
Coping With Emotional Unavailability
It could be situational due to a recent trauma or loss. In this case, it's important to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to process what happened.
An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.
To be available is to be ready and willing to do something. If a man is emotionally available, he is literally going to be aware of his emotions and then ready and willing to express them. At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
One of the common traits of an emotionally distant woman is avoiding all sorts of conversations. When you try, she might appear irritated or might ghost you. She will often make excuses to avoid getting together, connecting, or catching up. Another common trait is, you find her secretive.
Waiting is hard, but for the right person, the outcome can be worth it. Allow your partner the necessary time to get to know you—and demonstrate that you're as serious as you say you are. Make sure your partner knows they're in a safe space to share their thoughts and feelings with you.
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.