At their core, according to Parks, haters hate due to insecurities, low self-esteem, and deep envy. They see others doing better than them, compare themselves to others, and lash out in myriad forms, including via social media, whisper campaigns, mobbing (forming a group to bully), and even physical violence.
Direct the gossipper directly. If someone is spreading rumors about you, address it with them. A gossiper doesn't anticipate being addressed by the person they're talking about. Assertively expressing your feelings without blaming or accusing can be an effective way to illustrate the effects of gossip.
People might begin to hate another person or group when they: Feel envy or want what the other person has. They may consider it unfair that someone has what they lack. Have contempt for another person or believe them to be inferior.
There's an old saying, “revenge is best served cold.” It's a common and normal reaction to want justice for a perceived wrong. When people feel they are mistreated, you want to make them pay.
The quickest and easiest way to turn a hater into a friend is to ask them for a favor. It's a well researched psychology technique called the Ben Franklin Effect. When you ask people who dislike you to help you out, it shifts their perception of the relationship and makes them view you as a friend instead of a foe.
Usually, the haters simply criticize and move on. And that means that you can safely ignore them and continue doing your thing. But that is easier said than done because we all like to be validated. Some people like it more than others, but everyone wants to be respected and appreciated to some degree.
All a hater wants is you to turn the spotlight onto them. You are the center of attention for a good post, and they feel jealous that they could not achieve your success. For that reason, they will look for your insecurities or failures. The best way to deal with the first type of hater is to ignore them.
Hate starts from negative assumptions, images and beliefs about a certain group. These negative assumptions are called stereotypes. In times of crisis, stereotypes can become stronger and lead to hate toward members of a group.
There's a quote by an unknown author: “A person hates you for one of three reasons: 1) They want to be you 2) They hate themselves 3) They see you as a threat.” People that are genuinely comfortable with themselves don't desire to be anyone else.
Say something polite yet direct, like: "Hey. I want you to know that I don't appreciate the things you've been saying about me. Please stop." Then, just walk away—this person doesn't deserve your time. Ignore any insults you hear as you're walking away.
Thus far, research has, for example, shown that people were motivated to engage in gossip to bond with their group members, to entertain themselves, to exchange information, to vent emotions, and to maintain social order. These motives can be argued to be quite harmless, and even based on constructive tendencies.
What to do when people are talking behind your back?
Though you may be tempted to act out or confront the person, sometimes the best response is to ignore gossip. Just think: the person didn't give you the consideration of saying what they said to your face. Don't give them the consideration of taking it any further. Stop the negativity train by completely ignoring it.
