If the fault finding continues, ask them “What does fault finding mean to you or do for you?” It asks without accusing. If they are finding fault with ideas without offering new ones, they are resisting change. If they are finding fault with people, it generally shows their fear or insecurity.
Some common synonyms of faultfinding are captious, carping, censorious, critical, and hypercritical. While all these words mean "inclined to look for and point out faults and defects," faultfinding implies a querulous or exacting temperament.
Fault finding and self-esteem
Besides taking attention away from the ego, fault finding provides a subtle lift to our self-esteem by diminishing the value of someone else. To gain self-confidence, there is an easy way and a hard way. The hard way is to work for it, but finding fault with others is an easier way out.
Pointing out what bothers you about people only worsens your deep-seated insecurities. The habit of constantly pointing out people's faults is most likely a reflection of what you've struggle with in childhood. It is a manifestation of an insecurity about the very things that you judge other people for most often.
People with strong narcissistic traits are unwilling or unable to reflect on their shortcomings and destructive behaviors. As a result, they project, blame, and manipulate others to cope with their low and shaky self-esteem.
C) Cynic: A cynic is someone who constantly finds fault in others, believing that human behaviour is only motivated by self-interest.
This form of self-blame is closely associated with depression. The feeling that "everything is my fault" is also very much part of anxiety. Understanding the relationship between anxiety and self-blame can help you recognize it and begin to separate yourself from the erroneous belief that it's all your fault.
Whenever someone thinks nothing is their fault is living in denial .Sometimes people prefer to stay in denial instead of facing the truth because it's easier. Delusion is another form of avoiding the reality which is often painful.
Here are some tips from Healthy Spotlight on Living. Share the reason for the meeting and then listen: You will have to share the reason for the meeting with the blamer. Bring up the details about the blames and then stop talking and let the blamer respond. Keep emotions at bay.
9 reasons your partner or spouse blames you for everything.
They have narcissistic tendencies. They're emotionally abusive when they always blame you. They want to protect themselves. They're insecure, have low self-esteem and admitting to being wrong is too scary for them.
A scape goat is the person blamed for another persons actions, and blamed by that other person or by those of support of that other person. The correct term is “sacrificial lamb”… This is where a person voluntarily hands themselves up to take the blame on behalf of another person.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it's causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others.
Paranoid personality disorder (PPD) is a mental health condition marked by a pattern of distrust and suspicion of others without adequate reason to be suspicious. People with PPD are always on guard, believing that others are constantly trying to demean, harm or threaten them.
A person who never accepts his mistake can be called “incorrigible.” Merriam-Webster defines the word “incorrigible” as “incapable of being corrected or amended.” This makes “incorrigible” a great word to describe someone who lacks insight into their own behavior.
They make you feel like everything is your fault
They are hypersensitive to personal attack and will deflect blame to others for their mistakes or abusive actions. It's common for the survivor to apologise for the narcissist's abusive behaviour, and genuinely believe she's the one at fault.
Let them know that you understand their emotional reaction.
When you empathize with a narcissist, you make them feel special and cared for. Tell them that whatever they're blaming you for must be tough to deal with—don't accept the blame, but let them know that you get why they're emotional about it.
This can happen when they are afraid of you growing up.
Or they might be using blame to avoid admitting they don't understand your world or you anymore, and feel lost. Ask them clearly if they are blaming you. The might not realise how they are coming across. Let them know it's hard to feel blamed all the time.
They'll likely lash out in anger.
In response, they'll often fly into a narcissistic rage. It's totally unfair to you that they're acting this way, so try not to take it personally. Protect yourself by keeping your distance from this person. They might yell or call you names.
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
They turn the story around to make it seem like you are at fault, deflecting attention and blame away from them to make you feel guilty. This type of emotional manipulation is called gaslighting. [clickToTweet tweet=”“Am I going crazy? Am I being too sensitive?
Your man may turn everything around on you because he wants to control you. If your husband is a typical blame-shifter, he's very good at using what he calls logic. In this case, he twists things around and manipulates you into taking responsibility for his mess-up. Blame-shifters are masters at this tactic.