Show empathy and concern.
When someone shuts down, they may perceive that you did something wrong… so never assume you are guiltless when a person closes themselves off. Show some vulnerability by discussing how you can relate to their feelings, and maybe they will open up to you.
Trauma, prolonged stress, anxiety, depression and grief all contribute to feeling emotionally shut down.
Intense emotions, such as anger, frustration, or sadness, can become overpowering and make it challenging to engage constructively in the conversation. Shutting down may be an automatic defense mechanism to protect oneself from further emotional distress.
People who experience trauma and the shutdown response usually feel shame around their inability to act, when their body did not move. They often wish they would have fought more during those moments. A Vietnam vet may feel they failed their companions who died around them while they stood, frozen in fear.
Stonewalling is, well, what it sounds like. In a discussion or argument, the listener withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded. Metaphorically speaking, they build a wall between them and their partner.
One is that we are so numb that we allow ourselves to be in bad, even dangerous situations. We're so cut off from our emotions that we don't realize we're being hurt and that we shouldn't be there. Another thing that happens when we shut down emotionally is that we lose our empathy.
The behavioral shutdown model states that if an organism faces more risk or expenditure than reward from activities, the best evolutionary strategy may be to withdraw from them. This model proposes that emotional pain, like physical pain, serves a useful adaptive purpose.
The silent treatment is a form of social ostracization and a common tool used during conflict within many relationship types to inflict pain. It involves refusing to communicate with someone who is willing to communicate.
It's normal to not want to talk to someone when you are angry or frustrated. In most cases, this happens occasionally and blows over. However, if a person regularly uses the silent treatment to influence or control your behavior, they are being emotionally abusive.
Provide a safe space and remind them that you are available. Once they've talked to you, reassure them as much as you can. To overcome an emotional shutdown, the person needs to feel 100% safe and that nothing will harm them if they open up. If this doesn't happen, they will simply stay in shutdown mode.
Dissociation is not something you choose to do consciously. It is often an unconscious response to trauma or distressing events that you have internalised. A kind of body memory that has become frozen because you shut down and were unable to process your emotions at the time.
The narcissist suddenly stops responding to you or goes completely silent, refusing to engage in any communication. This can be either in person or virtually (“ghosting”). They ignore your attempts at communication and physical touch. This can be used as a way to punish you or avoid addressing uncomfortable topics.
The antidote to stonewalling is to take a self-soothing break for at least 20 minutes and then re-engage with your partner when you feel calmer and are able to constructively express your views.
Stonewalling is not always easy to recognize. Refusing to talk, avoiding conversations, ignoring the other person, and giving someone the silent treatment are a few signs of this behavior.