Keep your composure
It may be hard to hear your child say they want their other parent, but don't let this break your cool. Stay collected, resisting any urge to get angry or upset in front of your child. Even if they aren't expressing it now, your child looks to you for support and structure in life.
Helping your children requires acknowledging, validating, and accepting how they feel about the loss of their other parent. Avoid talking negatively about the other parent and find ways to help your children remember the good things about their other parent.
Previous research has suggested that long term separation, from parents or parent, has the following adverse effects: depression, loneliness, anxiety, anger, behavioral problems at school, low academic achievement motivation, lack of self-esteem, misbehavior, truancy, and stealing.
We know that children who grow up with absent-fathers can suffer lasting damage. They are more likely to end up in poverty or drop out of school, become addicted to drugs, have a child out of wedlock, or end up in prison.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Babies and toddlers often get clingy and cry if you or their other carers leave them, even for a short time. Separation anxiety and fear of strangers is common in young children between the ages of 6 months and 3 years, but it's a normal part of your child's development and they usually grow out of it.
Saying “Don't Cry!” Makes Life Harder For You
Their message is therefore likely to become louder and more persistent. By asking or telling them to “stop,” you're also telling your child that their emotions are invalid and unimportant.
Instead of waiting for he upset to hit, make a point to address the issue beforehand. First acknowledge the problem ( “Seems like you miss Dad at bedtime.”) Then give your child a chance to share how they feel and help them identify what those feelings are.
“I'm so sorry for your loss.” “I want to express sympathy for your loss. I'm sure it's extremely difficult to go through this.” “I know this is a difficult time, but my thoughts are with you and your family as you grieve.”
People sometimes call it Disneyland Dad Syndrome. This refers to a time when Mom typically got full custody of the kids. Dad, on the other hand, just had weekends and vacations. Therefore, time with Dad was the “fun time.”
They described an infant or young child's reaction to separation as occurring in three phases – protest, despair, then detachment. Although this theory is less popular today, it provides a framework that can help foster parents understand a child's experience.
Also, they have not yet developed the concept of object permanence?that a hidden object is still there, it just cannot be seen. Without these concepts, babies can become anxious and fearful when a parent leaves their sight. Separation anxiety is usually at its peak between 10 and 18 months.
For both parents and children, separation leads to increased risks of depression, difficulty with social functioning, attachment issues, and PTSD.
Signs that your parent is emotionally unavailable
They respond to children's emotions with impatience or indifference. They avoid or prevent discussion of negative emotions. They're dismissive or overwhelmed when the child has an emotional need.
If your daughter feels unloved, she may suffer from several emotional problems. Symptoms can include depression, anxiety, self-harm, and more. These feelings are often the result of the way her parents treated her during her childhood.
A daughter's need for her mother's love is a primal driving force that doesn't diminish with unavailability. Wounds may include lack of confidence and trust, difficulty setting boundaries, and being overly sensitive. Daughters of unloving mothers may unwittingly replicate the maternal bond in other relationships.
For a 3-6 year old, about 2-3 days — a week at the maximum, and that's probably stretching it. That said, the problem with our culture is that very few parents have a tribe-like support system around them.