Anxiety: Some people may attempt to please others because they feel anxious about fitting in, rejection, or causing offense. For example, a person with social anxiety may feel they must do whatever their friends want in order for people to like them. It can be a subtle attempt to control others' perceptions.
The key is to establish clear healthy boundaries and make sure that they are not crossed. In all cases, it will be important to establish clear, healthy boundaries. Clearly delineate what's acceptable versus not acceptable behavior and the consequences for crossing the boundaries.
You are genuinely compassionate
This is the most common cause behind being a people-pleaser. It is great to be a genuine person who has a lot of empathy for others. It means you care deeply about everyone around you. Usually if you fall into this category, you find that you are not taking care of YOU.
The tendency to please is related to Dependent Personality Disorder. While the people-pleaser may not need others to do things for them, they do have a need for others, regardless. The pleasing personality is also related to the Masochistic Personality type, which also corresponds with Dependent Personality.
Fawning is most commonly associated with childhood trauma, relational trauma, and complex trauma—such as ongoing partner violence. Complex trauma can become even more problematic when coupled with the collective trauma that occurs from experiences like the COVID-19 pandemic.
Poor self-esteem: Sometimes people engage in people-pleasing behavior because they don't value their own desires and needs. Due to a lack of self-confidence, people-pleasers have a need for external validation, and they may feel that doing things for others will lead to approval and acceptance.
The biggest turn-off for INFPs is people-pleasing. INFPs are independent and individualistic in their beliefs and values. They want people to be authentic and true to themselves, even if they risk offending others.
A people pleaser is typically someone everyone considers helpful and kind. When you need help with a project or someone to help you study for an exam, they're more than willing to step up. If you recognize yourself in the above description, you may be a people pleaser.
Whatever the specific cause of their behavior, people pleasers tend to have similar characteristics, which include: Fear of abandonment or rejection. Preoccupation with what others might be thinking or feeling.
People Pleasing as a Form of Control
People pleasing is tricky because you think you're being a giver, but really it's a form of manipulation. Yep, manipulation because you're trying to get something in return. You're attached to (and trying to control) the outcome.
People-pleasers strive to keep the peace and avoid conflict at all costs, often at their own expense. Fairly empathic, people-pleasers frequently place other people's needs first and are sometimes exploited due to this tendency.
05/7Libra. They are natural-born people pleasers and go out of their way to keep the peace and make others happy. They are great listeners and are skilled at finding common ground in disagreements.
It is not. The neglect of others (narcissism) is selfish and causes unnecessary distance, confrontation and lack of intimacy. The neglect of self (people pleasing) creates unwanted exhaustion, increased anxiety and also contributes to a lack of intimacy.
It is true that opposites attract. People who like to please are frequently drawn to people who like to control others. Pleasers have certain personality characteristics that are developed in childhood. They are often perfectionists who were influenced by very demanding parental expectations and/or criticism.
It is a natural human instinct to want to please others and to present oneself at one's best. It is, in fact, a very positive quality to consider others' feelings and be emotionally intelligent.
While people pleasing or “being too nice” could be seen as a sign of someone who is a really good person and cares for others, their ability to bend backwards for other people, not say no and struggle to have boundaries with others can actually be a big red flag and cause issues in a relationship in the long term if ...
People Pleasers spend so much time and effort in taking care of others. Unfortunately, they often do not establish good social support for themselves. They also find it hard to give up control and let other people take care of them. While taking care of others in noble and rewarding, it can also be toxic and unhealthy.
ADHD and Emotions
They can hyper-focus on strong feelings. However, when you combine strong emotions with feelings of being disempowered throughout life, the mind can hyperfocus on the fears of letting others down (enter people pleasing).
People pleasing might seem harmless, but it can lead to serious health risks — both mental and physical — especially when taken to the extremes. First, people-pleasers rarely prioritize their own self-care.
You're a people-pleasing perfectionist.
While some may choose to avoid the triggers of their social anxiety, others may pacify their anxiety and the fear of being judged or evaluated by garnering the approval of others and seeking external validation in people-pleasing ways.
People-pleasing is putting your needs last and not acting in a way that is true to you in order to try to make others happy or avoid rejection. People-pleasing puts you at risk for depression, anxiety, burnout and anger.