To calm a BPD episode, use grounding and deep breathing, create distance from triggers (go for a walk, step away), distract yourself with sensory items (fidget toys, music, journaling), and use mindfulness to focus on the present moment, remembering that professional therapy (like DBT) is key for long-term management. For loved ones, offer calm reassurance, validate feelings (without necessarily agreeing), and encourage these strategies without judgment.
One thing I find helps is when others validate my emotions, as I often feel guilty for having them.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
4. STOP
Try doing relaxing activities to calm the psychological distress you're experiencing. These activities can include deep breathing, yoga, a hot bath, and a relaxing walk. One thing in the moment - Stay in the moment by letting go of the past and future.
The duration of a BPD episode varies from person to person. Some episodes might last only a few hours, while others can persist for days.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Offer Distractions. Redirecting the focus of the individual during a BPD episode can provide a helpful break from overwhelming emotions. Distractions allow them to regain control of their feelings and may help them calm down more quickly.
Don't…
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
Anything that causes someone to feel rejected or abandoned could be a BPD trigger. While these fears are especially common in romantic relationships, any real (or perceived, for that matter) abandonment could escalate BPD symptoms. Breakups, canceled plans, or losing a job can all be triggering.
These thoughts often lead to anxiety and spiraling. Mindfulness practices can help stop these thoughts before they get out of control. If you feel yourself spiraling, try closing your eyes and focusing on the physical sensations you're experiencing.
When a BPD person is splitting, they may distort how they see things. One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. One moment they feel loved and the next they feel unwanted or abandoned. Borderline Personality Disorder splitting can destroy your relationship by inflicting pain on the partner.
Understanding and forgiveness is so important in a bpd relationship, from both sides, especially after a fight or hard time. Just be there. Even if it's sitting in silence, rubbing their back, listening, soothing them. Show them they are worth enough to you that you are willing to be a little uncomfortable.
People with BPD often have a pervasive fear of abandonment. This can lead to clingy or needy behavior, where your friend may require constant reassurance of your friendship. It can also result in extreme reactions to perceived slights or misunderstandings, which can strain the relationship.
Wide mood swings that last from a few hours to a few days. These mood swings can include periods of being very happy, irritable or anxious, or feeling shame. Ongoing feelings of emptiness.
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
Here are some practical ways to help:
How Long Do BPD Episodes Last? There's no single timeline. Some episodes may last a few hours; others can unfold over the course of a day or more. What's important to remember is that these moments do pass even when it doesn't feel that way in the moment.
Explosive anger/rage
Intense and utter rage is the bedmate of those with BPD. They swing from one extreme emotion to often ones involving anger. But not the anger most people display but the type to seem like a bomb went off (screaming as loud as they can, breaking things, stomping, physically fighting, etc.)
Tone it down and slow down to allow the person a moment to process their feelings. Listen without expressing personal judgement and blame and reflect back their own words in a calm manner.
BPD anger can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours, depending on the intensity of the emotions and whether the person has coping strategies in place. Some people may experience quick, explosive outbursts that disappear as suddenly as they started, while others may remain agitated for much longer.
Sexual, physical or emotional abuse or neglect.
It is often shrouded in misconception, but the reality is that it is, in fact, the same condition as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). For individuals with EUPD, regulating emotions is a constant struggle. And all of the above disorders can be experienced at once.
While we see them as “being too serious”, the problem can be bigger than what we think. People exhibiting narcissistic borderline personality disorder are confused between the fear of abandonment and grandiosity. They often idealize someone and start devaluing them as soon as they make a mistake.