Try jumping jacks, push-ups or jog on the spot, if you have enough space and privacy do so before the funeral. Otherwise, simply pinching yourself could be enough to stop crying. Others bite their cheek, dig their nails into the palm of their hand, or stretch as a means of distraction.
It's natural to feel anxious or worried about what might happen next or even to worry that we might lose someone else in future. The period before or after someone dies is also very stressful. For those dealing with anticipatory grief due to terminal illness, you might also be living with a heightened sense of anxiety.
Nurture your senses: listen to music or the sounds that abound in nature. Engage in prayer or meditation: tap into, or get reacquainted with, your spiritual side. Reduce your list of necessary activities and chores: now is the time to delegate tasks to others, so you can devote your time to self-care.
Often funerals can bring up thoughts of other people who have died. It's quite common to find that you are grieving someone you didn't expect to. Sometimes people feel worried or even guilty that they are not focussing on the 'right' feelings or even the right person. But it's very normal.
It's not uncommon to not cry at funerals, even if you were very close to the deceased. This is because funerals are often a time for celebrating a life, rather than grieving a loss. There may also be a lot of people around who are emotional, which can make it difficult to express your own emotions.
Guilt for Not Attending a Funeral
If you have chosen not to attend a funeral, you may experience some guilt, even if you feel totally confident in your decision. The guilt may come from familial pressure, societal and/or religious pressure, and the cultural expectation of attending.
Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family. A good recommendation is to say something simple such as “I am sorry about your loss”, especially if there are many other guests waiting to share their condolences.
In a eulogy, do not say anything about the person's cause of death, grudges and old grievances, arguments, character flaws, family rifts, or negative memories.
Two years on
For most people their mourning period is a long process and it can take years. After about two years you are likely to know the places, events and occasions that trigger your emotions. As you start to know these, you will also learn what helps you to cope with them.
The period after the funeral can be challenging. Between the death and the funeral, you may have been surrounded by family and friends, and kept busy making arrangements. It may not be until after the funeral that you feel the full intensity of your grief.
Most people find that grief gets easier over time. The pain you feel will eventually lessen and there will come a time when you can adjust to life without the person who has died. If your grief doesn't feel like it's getting any easier, there's support available to help you through it.
Crying (OR Not Crying) is Perfectly Normal
When in shock, feeling numb and removed from your emotions is normal. You may even feel numb to anything happening around you. Many individuals find themselves just “going through the motions” when someone close dies.
There is no set length or duration for grief, and it may come and go in waves. However, according to 2020 research , people who experience common grief may experience improvements in symptoms after about 6 months, but the symptoms largely resolve in about 1 to 2 years.
Keep in mind if you're not a fan of public speaking, it's a good idea to keep your speech on the shorter side, as emotions may run high on the day of the funeral, memorial, or celebration of life service. A eulogy should start by introducing yourself and then end with final thoughts about your mom.
If you are dreading the moment, you are not alone. You may have heard that public speaking, along with death, are mentioned by many as their biggest fears. So talking at a funeral, where the two come together, is a very brave act indeed!
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.
This is known as complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble recovering from the loss and resuming your own life. Different people follow different paths through the grieving experience.