To calm a triggered person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), stay calm yourself, validate their intense feelings without necessarily agreeing, encourage grounding techniques like deep breathing or sensory focus (5 senses), suggest healthy distractions or activities, and create space if needed, while always aiming for professional help and establishing clear boundaries. The key is to de-escalate by acknowledging their distress and guiding them toward self-regulation methods, rather than confronting the emotion directly.
Provide distractions. Sometimes helping to distract someone from difficult feelings can be really useful. Try suggesting activities or tasks, such as watching a film or tidying up. Or you could start something and let them know they're welcome to join in when they feel ready.
Keep a mood diary
Or notice early signs when they're beginning to happen. Try noting down difficult thoughts or feelings. This might help get them out of your head and make them feel less overwhelming. You can then reflect on them when you feel calmer or talk about them with someone you trust.
Try doing relaxing activities to calm the psychological distress you're experiencing. These activities can include deep breathing, yoga, a hot bath, and a relaxing walk. One thing in the moment - Stay in the moment by letting go of the past and future.
Don't…
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
Tone it down and slow down to allow the person a moment to process their feelings. Listen without expressing personal judgement and blame and reflect back their own words in a calm manner.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are triggered by intense emotions, particularly fear of abandonment, rejection, and invalidation, often stemming from past trauma, leading to reactions like sudden anger or self-harm when feeling criticized, alone, or facing instability, sudden changes, or perceived neglect, according to sources like Borderline in the ACT. Common triggers include relationship conflicts, cancelled plans, perceived or real abandonment, reminders of trauma, or unmet needs like sleep, disrupting their fragile sense of self and emotional regulation.
During a BPD episode, a person may display signs such as extreme anger, paranoia, or overwhelming sadness. They might lash out emotionally or withdraw completely. Episodes can also include impulsive behaviors, such as self-harm, reckless spending, or substance use, as a way to cope with their intense feelings.
Distract yourself — By pulling your mind away from the trigger and toward another activity, such as exercise or a creative outlet, you can reduce the effect of the trigger and focus on the positive emotions that can come from an enjoyable activity.
BPD Meltdown
During a meltdown, people may experience extreme mood swings, impulsivity, and difficulty calming down. Understanding how BPD contributes to meltdowns is crucial for developing coping strategies and providing support to manage and navigate these overwhelming emotional experiences.
If Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is left untreated, symptoms worsen, leading to severe emotional instability, chaotic relationships, chronic emptiness, and a significantly higher risk of self-harm and suicide, alongside developing co-occurring mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, severely impacting daily functioning and overall quality of life.
How to calm a BPD episode? Grounding techniques, distraction, validation, DBT skills, cold-water face splashes, and crisis coping plans can help calm intense emotional episodes.
BPD anger can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours, depending on the intensity of the emotions and whether the person has coping strategies in place. Some people may experience quick, explosive outbursts that disappear as suddenly as they started, while others may remain agitated for much longer.
Offer Distractions. Redirecting the focus of the individual during a BPD episode can provide a helpful break from overwhelming emotions. Distractions allow them to regain control of their feelings and may help them calm down more quickly.
Recognising a BPD episode
Intense outbursts of anger are indicative of an episode of BPD as are bouts of depression and anxiety. 80% of those presenting with BPD experience suicidal thoughts and behavior while in the throes of an episode as well.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
While we see them as “being too serious”, the problem can be bigger than what we think. People exhibiting narcissistic borderline personality disorder are confused between the fear of abandonment and grandiosity. They often idealize someone and start devaluing them as soon as they make a mistake.
Sexual, physical or emotional abuse or neglect.
There are 4 different types of borderline personality disorders namely:
People with borderline personality disorder have a strong fear of abandonment or being left alone. Even though they want to have loving and lasting relationships, the fear of being abandoned often leads to mood swings and anger. It also leads to impulsiveness and self-injury that may push others away.
The 5 second rule means taking a pause — literally just five seconds — before you respond to something emotionally charged. It sounds simple, and in fact, it is that simple. When you get triggered in a fight, instead of immediately saying something you could regret — you stop, count to five, and take a deep breath.
Here are practical grounding techniques specifically tailored for managing BPD symptoms: