However, because of the nature of this condition, the favorite person connection may sometimes swing between extreme love and attachment, to a strong dislike. This switch may occur when the person with BPD perceives that their emotional needs aren't being adequately met.
Unfortunately, because people with BPD have an insecure sense of self, fragments in the relationship feel extremely threatening. If their favorite person disappoints them, it can feel devastating. They may react with rage, threats, or complete withdrawal.
Gentle: Don't attack, threaten, or lay guilt trips. (Act) Interested: Listen to what your partner has to say, don't interrupt them, and be sensitive to what they are feeling. Validate: Be non-judgmental and validate their feelings and problems. Easy Manner: Try to be lighthearted and ease your partner along.
Individuals with symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) suffer from emotional dysregulation that often causes them to lash out towards individuals who are close to them.
Push/Pull behaviors
Pulling someone into a close relationship and then pushing that person away repeatedly is one of the most well-known symptoms of BPD. It causes the person in question to be confused about where they stand in the relationship.
Cyclical Nature of BPD Abandonment
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
“People with BPD often find themselves placing their attention on one specific person. This person may be a friend, family member, or romantic partner. A favorite person frequently is expected (consciously or otherwise) to help resolve unmet needs for the person with BPD.”
Deep passion. People with BPD strongly desire a deep connection with those around them. This is partly because of their fear of abandonment but because they simply love people and crave deep connections. As a result, people with BPD tend to be very passionate partners.
There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence from other people's experiences that suggest 2-4 years is more common. So, if you want to know how long your relationships might last if you have BPD, it really does depend on the intensity of your condition.
For many folks with BPD, a “meltdown” will manifest as rage. For some, it might look like swinging from one intense emotion to another. For others, it might mean an instant drop into suicidal ideation. Whatever your experience is, you're not alone.
BPD splitting ruins relationships since the person can misconstrue the behaviours of others when their feelings are brought up in the relationship. Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them.
Some signs that a person is splitting include: idealizing someone one moment, then later calling them abusive or toxic. not seeing nuance in the relationships or actions of others. cutting people out of their life, then expressing feelings of abandonment.
Someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may start giving you the silent treatment. Manipulation, difficulty controlling and regulating emotions, and the consequences of fear of abandonment are the most common causes of this behavior.
The BPD friendship cycle starts with intense idealization but eventually moves to devaluation once the BPD person's fear of rejection and low self-esteem come into play. To maintain a friendship long-term, it's important to communicate, find support, and avoid getting sucked into the BPD drama.
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
The individual with BPD tends to blame themselves for the breakup and may experience an increase in depression, anxiety, anger and self-harming behaviors.
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive. These individuals often fear being left alone and have deep feelings of worthlessness. In many cases, this disorder is the direct result of childhood trauma, abuse, violence, or neglect.
If there is some truth in what you're hearing, admit and say something like “I think you're onto something. I can see that I've hurt you and I'm sorry.” Do not tell people with BPD how they should be feeling or behaving.