The first thing you can do is to remind yourself that it wasn't your fault. It can be hurtful and make you feel confused when you are blamed for something that you didn't do. You can try talking to the person that blamed you in the first place and tell them how you feel.
Better to accept responsibility the way you'd clean a wound: quickly, thoroughly, with no nonsense whatsoever. This means fully admitting a mistake, apologizing to anyone you may have harmed by your actions, and making any amends you possibly can, without wallowing in shame or acting pathetic in a bid for leniency.
Self accountability is defined as an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.
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So how do you apologize when you aren't wrong, or rather, if you believe you aren't wrong? Start by acknowledging how the other person feels. Like any other apology, express regret over what happened. If you're apologizing on behalf of someone on your team, don't make excuses for them.
5. You're the only one apologising. Toxic people will never apologise for their words and actions because they can't see anything wrong with them. They feel that they are the victim and will often twist and retell what happened to such an extent that they honestly can't see an alternative perspective.
Instead, clarify your position, but avoid alluding to contrition. For example, “Thanks for your feedback, we'll take your points on board, but we stand by our decision/action.” “Don't clarify that you did nothing wrong, but then apologize if anyone was offended,” adds O'Meara.
“An option is to not engage in the blame shift,” says Ferris. Keep the conversation on topic and try not to respond to their deflection. “Let the person finish, then redirect back to your complaint, even acknowledging that you want to hear what they have to say after you can talk about what you brought up.”
Projection refers to attributing one's shortcomings, mistakes, and misfortunes to others in order to protect one's ego. Blaming others (i.e. projection) is more common in those who are experiencing negative feelings and are unable to regulate their emotions.
Often, it is fear that holds people back from apologising face-to-face, "but that is the best way," asserts Hingorrany. To err is human, but to forgive yourself is the most important. It's only natural and normal to make mistakes. The key thing is to learn from them and not repeat them.
Self-compassion is an antidote to self-blame and criticism. Self-compassion being kind to yourself — can help you break the cycle of self-blame. Self-compassion can include affirming your feelings, prioritizing self-care, accepting your mistakes, or giving yourself the benefit of the doubt.
A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
When abusers apologize with the goal of gaining ultimate control of their victim, gaslighting is often the method they use. By apologizing, they place doubt in their victims' minds. “They apologized to me, so they can't be as terrible as I remember them being.”
The best way to do this is to accept their behavior — annoying as it is — and realize they're simply psychologically incapable of apologizing. What's more, they're not going to change. Practicing acceptance can help you disengage from arguments with them and help you limit your feelings of frustration, anger and hurt.
Yes, it is important to apologize if you hurt someone unintentionally. Even if you did not mean any harm, it is important to acknowledge what happened and accept responsibility for your role in it. Apologizing helps to show the person that you care about their feelings and that you do not want to hurt them again.
Avoiding responsibility can be a response to trauma. Some people who experienced painful abuse, criticism, betrayal, rejection, or other trauma, continue to see themselves as victims; they are so focused on their own emotional pain that they struggle to see how they harm others.
Take Responsibility
Saying, "When I said [the hurtful thing], I wasn't thinking. I realize I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry," acknowledges that you know what it was you said that hurt the other person, and you take responsibility for it. Don't make assumptions and don't try to shift the blame.