One of the largest signs of childhood toxicity is negative self-talk. This could be due to the low self-esteem you may have developed during a toxic childhood. Parents who are overly critical of their children and speak to them negatively can alter their child's perception of their own self (Georgieva 2018).
Toxic stress response can occur when a child experiences strong, frequent, and/or prolonged adversity—such as physical or emotional abuse, chronic neglect, caregiver substance abuse or mental illness, exposure to violence, and/or the accumulated burdens of family economic hardship—without adequate adult support.
Toxic parents tend to be self-centered, putting their own needs before their children's. Such parents are self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, and do not have empathy for others.
Here are some common signs of toxic behavior from a family member: Their perception of you doesn't jibe with the way you see yourself. They accuse you of things that you feel aren't true. They make you feel like you're never enough or bad about yourself, or otherwise emotionally destabilized.
Feelings of extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, maintaining close relationships, or feeling worn out after a visit with your family are all signs you grew up in a toxic family.
Common signs of a toxic mother include ignoring boundaries, controlling behavior, and abuse in severe cases. Toxic mothers cannot recognize the impacts of their behavior, and children grow up feeling unloved, overlooked, or disrespected.
Effects of Toxic Parents
Toxic parents can have negative effects on children throughout their lifespan, including mental health disorders, depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol use, etc.
Like so many other toxic parents, they may not even know why they do it, and it's even more likely that they don't realize what they're doing. After all, toxic parents aren't known for self-awareness or self-improvement.
The Trauma Test is a brief self-administered rating scale. It is useful in determining the degree to which you struggle with the aftermath of trauma, anxiety or depression, nervous system overarousal, and difficulty with healing and recovery.
I define a 'bad childhood' as knowing that your emotional, physical, and/or sexual safety was not guaranteed by your caretakers. Once a child feels unsafe like this, his priority must be to manage his parent's feelings and behavior – instead of focusing on his own development.
Examples of ACEs include maltreatment, abuse, neglect, or living in a harmful environment. There are lasting negative effects to experiencing an adverse childhood experience. Physical health: Examples include obesity, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and other health stressors.
Problems with sleeping, eating, anger, and attention
Some of the symptoms of trauma in children (and adults) closely mimic depression, including too much or too little sleep, loss of appetite or overeating, unexplained irritability and anger, and problems focusing on projects, school work, and conversation.
Emotional dysregulation, explosive shows of anger, and disappointment are harmful to adult children. Toxic parents are selfish. Parents who think more about what benefits them and not their children are toxic. These parents are not thinking of the benefits to their adult children and what is important to them.
Toxic parents may overshare with their children, treating them like their therapist regarding several things that the child can't control or understand. This can lead into adulthood and cause problems for the child as they figure out how to navigate their relationships.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Even toxic parents can sometimes be loving, warm or nurturing, though it's mostly, if not always, done to further their own agenda. In the same way that being 'a little bit bad' probably isn't enough to sever an important relationship, being 'a little bit good' isn't enough reason to keep one.
The Mother Wound is an attachment trauma that creates a sense of confusion and devastation in the child's psyche. It instills deeply rooted beliefs that make the child feel unloved, abandoned, unworthy of care, and even fearful of expressing themselves.
Some parents dismiss their children's emotions because they don't understand them or don't want to face them. It could be due to experiences in their own lives, their own projected feelings, the feeling of embarrassment, or fear of their own emotions.
This can manifest in several ways. One common way toxic mothers overstep boundaries with their daughters is by micromanaging their lives. If your mother continues to dictate your appearance, career, or romantic choices, or even meddles in your life long after you've reached adulthood, that is a sign of toxicity.
Someone with toxic traits may not realize or care that their actions negatively impact others if they lack emotional intelligence. If someone is unaware their actions hurt others, try addressing the problem with them. If they refuse to listen, you may need to set boundaries or stop spending time with them.
The truth is, there are times when even the best of us exhibit toxic behaviors or patterns without realizing it.
Toxic people have an ongoing race in their head that nobody else knows about. They're constantly on the look-out for opportunities to make people feel they're ahead of them, even if no one's really counting but themselves.