You are guilty of downplaying others' emotions. When a person is hurt by something you've said or done, your usual response is that they're overreacting and to stop making things up. This may make a person believe their emotions are not valid or excessive. If this sounds like you, you are definitely gaslighting.
Here are some examples of gaslighting that can be unintentional: Telling someone their opinion is wrong. Saying “it's in your head” when someone tells you how they feel. A parent telling their child “you're not hungry” when they ask for a snack.
If you feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner, fearful that you will 'overreact' to something and set them off, or fearful that you will get into a fight and they will project on to you, then this is a sign that you are being gaslighted.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Gaslighting in Abuse Relationships
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.
Signs Someone Is Gaslighting You
If you question their version of events, they pretend to forget or accuse you of misremembering. When you push back, they might minimize your feelings by calling you "too sensitive," "confused," or "crazy." Or they might change the story to make it seem like you're at fault.
Unintentional gaslighting is subtle manipulation where the gaslighter is unaware of their actions. Their words or phrases instill doubt and confusion in the victim, but when confronted, they genuinely deny any wrongdoing. Despite no harmful intent, their actions can still cause emotional distress.
Acknowledge the feelings of others
If you put yourself in the other person's shoes and realize that they have feelings like you do, it might help you stop gaslighting them. Think about what you are going to say.
The 2022 word of the year is gaslighting, or manipulating or deceiving someone. Gaslighting is common in the customer experience when brands try to convince their customers of a different truth or ignore their problems. The opposite of gaslighting is taking ownership, listening to customers, and building trust.
“There are two main reasons why a gaslighter behaves as they do,” Sarkis explains. “It is either a planned effort to gain control and power over another person, or it because someone was raised by a parent or parents who were gaslighters, and they learned these behaviors as a survival mechanism.”
If someone says, "You know I only do it because I love you," or, "Believe me, this is for the best," when doing something you perceive as abusive, controlling, or wrong, they are probably gaslighting you.
One main way people gaslight is by shifting blame to another person in order to avoid accountability, which is also known as deflection. For example, Spinelli says a gaslighting parent might blame their child for their own mistakes, or an abusive partner could somehow blame the victim for the abuse.
White lies, or something small told in an attempt to avoid hurting someone's feelings, can also be unintentional gaslighting. An example of this is when someone says something like, “oh, the party was boring, you didn't miss anything” to someone who was not invited.
Some people are unaware of the harm they bring when they lovebomb, gaslight, bench, or ghost people, though these are often tactics used by sociopaths, narcissists, and manipulators to obtain power and control over their partners.
When you confront gaslighters about their behavior, they often change the subject or counter-attack by telling you that it's all your fault or you are the one with the problem.
Gaslighting in Society
This form of gaslighting usually stems from a sense of fear or insecurity about others who are different from them, leading gaslighters to act out of their perceived need to “protect” their status or self-esteem by dismissing or discounting others.
People with high levels of narcissism have the desire to exploit others, which is born out of their disregard for other people and their own sense of entitlement. Exploitative gaslighters use manipulation and deceit to take advantage of others for personal gain.
What Is A Gaslight Apology? A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Projecting personal faults is a classic form of gaslighting designed to prevent people from being able to call them out for their shortcomings. An example of narcissistic projection is accusing you of being narcissistic or self-centered, or saying you care too much about what others think of you.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
Certain personality disorders, including narcissistic, antisocial, and borderline personality disorders, may make a person prone to using gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it's never the survivor's responsibility to try to help an abuser see the error of their ways and get help.