Detecting Your Self-Deception. The most important way to determine whether you are lying or not is to observe yourself, without judgment or evaluation. Just notice and start asking questions that can reveal your internal motivations.
Social psychologists say people deceive themselves in an unconscious effort to boost self-esteem or feel better. Evolutionary psychologists, who say different parts of the brain can harbor conflicting beliefs at the same time, say self-deception is a way of fooling others to our own advantage.
Instead, liars offer various responses such as “I'm an honest person,” “You don't have to believe me if you don't want to,” or “I have no reason to lie.” The question “Why should I believe you?” can be asked in a variety of ways depending on the sensitivity of the relationship.
Being a pathological liar is not a mental health diagnosis. However, the word pathological indicates that there is an underlying pathology, or illness, catalyzing the lying behavior. Pathological lying is defined by some experts as lying five or more times daily, every day, for longer than six months.
The most important way to determine whether you are lying or not is to observe yourself, without judgment or evaluation. Just notice and start asking questions that can reveal your internal motivations.
This behavior can be part of a personality disorder such as antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic. Other conditions, such as borderline personality disorder, may also lead to frequent lies, but these aren't considered pathological. Also, some people simply lie pathologically but have no other conditions.
The direction of their eyes: A 2012 study published in Plos One debunked the myth people look to the left when lying. A study by the University of Michigan found when participants lied, they maintained eye contact 70% of the time.
The range of emotions we feel when lying to someone
The three emotions most frequently experienced by people when they are lying are fear, guilt, and somewhat surprisingly, delight.
Keep an eye out for rapid blinking
"When stressed — for instance, when someone knows he's lying — he may blink five or six times in rapid succession." Bouton says exceptions to the usual blink rate mostly have to do with production of dopamine in the body.
One of the reasons this happens is the brain's need to maintain the status quo as a survival mechanism. But in locking your thinking, you resist growth opportunities. I call this thinking “cons.” It is your brain's way of convincing you that partial or untrue statements are the truth. It is how your mind lies to you.
Psychiatrists have recognized pathological lying as a mental affliction since the late 1800s, yet experts say it has never been given serious attention, funding or real study. It doesn't have its own diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM, the bible of psychiatry.
People who compulsively lie often do so out of fear or anxiety, while people who pathologically lie may do so to manipulate or deceive others.
A narcissistic liar is a person who lies to get what they want. They are often charming and persuasive. But their primary goal is always self-promotion. They want to present themselves in a certain light and believe they can get away with it.
Skipping contractions: "I did not do it."
Instead of saying "I didn't do it," they'll say "I did not do it." Or they'll say "I cannot remember" instead of "I can't remember." They're basically overselling their lie by trying to sound more powerful and less refutable.
If they feel that someone closes in on their lies and raises questions, liars tend to get angry and defensive. Even if no one is outright accusing them, they have an overblown reaction due to their fear of being caught. It also acts as a distraction and helps take the spotlight off their lies.
Research indicates pathological lying can occur because of low self-esteem and a false sense of self. People who lie pathologically may want others to view them positively, making things up to make them look better. Their desire to create a false sense of self could indicate that they are unhappy with themselves.
Guilt is most likely when the liar shares values and respects the target of the lie. It is much harder to lie or cheat someone who has acted fairly. But if the wages are too low, the spouse cold and inconsiderate, the parent too strict – the liar may feel entitled to cheat, and feel no guilt about doing so.
Sweating or dryness: Autonomic nervous system changes can trigger liars to sweat in the T-area of the face (upper lip, forehead, chin and around the mouth) or have dryness in the mouth and eyes — the person might excessively blink or squint, lick or bite their lips or swallow hard, according to Glass.
Look for flared nostrils, lip biting, rapid blinking or sweating. These changes in facial activity signify an increase in brain activity as a lie begins.