Children display grief through behavioral changes like regression (bedwetting, thumb-sucking), mood shifts (anger, clinginess), physical complaints (tummy aches), sleep/eating disruptions, and acting out feelings through play or withdrawal, often shifting between intense sadness and seemingly normal play as they process the loss, with reactions varying significantly by age and understanding.
Inability to sleep, loss of appetite, prolonged fear of being alone. Acting much younger for an extended period. Excessively imitating the dead person. Believing they are talking to or seeing the deceased family member for an extended period of time.
Complex emotions and behaviour – Grief may bring about a complex mix of emotions and behaviours including anger, anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, fear and guilt to mention a few. Children may also 'clam up', finding it hard to say anything and feel confused themselves as to how they feel.
They tend to 'act out' with behaviours rather than expressing themselves verbally. They will gradually gain the language of feelings by listening to words that you use. Showing your grief will also encourage them to express theirs. A child's behaviour is often your guide to how they might be feeling.
There are 5 C's to help us remember what children often worry about: Did I Cause it, can I Catch it, why couldn't I Control it or Cure it, who will take Care of me now? Children need our time and attention to wonder out loud and work through these worries.
Understanding death, grief, and loss at ages 2 to 4
Children in this age range are not equipped with the vocabulary or communication skills to communicate distress verbally, so expression of feelings will often be displayed through behavior and play.
What Not to Do When a Child Is Grieving
Children may exhibit grief through changes in behavior, such as withdrawal, aggression, or regression to earlier developmental stages. They might have questions about death that are difficult to answer, and their understanding of loss will evolve as they grow older.
There's no single "worst" age; losing a parent is devastating at any stage, but often cited as uniquely challenging during adolescence/teenage years (identity formation, dependency) and young adulthood (missing guidance during major life milestones like marriage/children), while loss in early childhood deeply impacts fundamental security and development. Grief evolves, but the absence creates unique pain as life stages change, with many experiencing loss in their 40s-60s, often while transitioning to becoming the elder generation.
So though he may have one or two vague and fleeting memories from this time period, it is unlikely the bereaved infant or toddler will clearly remember the person who died. But when they get older, bereaved children will naturally be curious about this important person they never had a chance to know.
You can help a child grieve the loss of a parent by encouraging them to express their feelings. Putting words to their emotions can be hard for young children, so you might try drawing, scrapbooking, or telling stories with them.
When grieving, don't suppress emotions, isolate yourself, rush the process, or use substances to numb pain; instead, allow yourself to feel, stay connected with supportive people, and seek professional help if needed, as grief has no timeline and everyone experiences it uniquely. Avoid platitudes like "everything happens for a reason" or "they're in a better place," and don't make major decisions too soon. Focus on self-care, even if it's basic, and accept that grief is messy, not linear.
They may also have physical symptoms like a sore tummy, sore head or aches and pains. Children may move in and out of their grief. For example, they may be sad and tearful one moment and play the next.
The "3 Cs of Grief" for adults are Choose, Connect, Communicate, a framework to actively manage loss by choosing helpful actions, connecting with supportive people, and communicating needs. For children, the 3 Cs are often Cause, Catch, and Care, addressing their deep-seated fears about what caused the death, if they can "catch" it, and if they are safe and cared for. Both frameworks offer simple, actionable ways to navigate grief's confusion and find healing.
Grief by Age: Developmental Stages and Ways to Help
Children react to grief in their own ways. Some might not seem to react much when you first tell them that someone has died. It can take time for them to process what's happened and share their feelings. Others may feel upset right away or switch between emotions quickly.
The 7-7-7 rule of parenting generally refers to dedicating three daily 7-minute periods of focused, undistracted connection with your child (morning, after school, bedtime) to build strong bonds and make them feel seen and valued. A less common interpretation involves three developmental stages (0-7 years of play, 7-14 years of teaching, 14-21 years of advising), while another offers a stress-relief breathing technique (7-second inhale, hold, exhale).
Psychiatric Consequences. A number of psychological symptoms, most prominently neurosis and depression, appear to correlate with parental or sibling death. Signs of continuing emotional distress have been noted in both community and patient samples of children who lost a parent or sibling.
Some key findings from these data in 2021 include: The most common age ranges in which people lost their mother were 50-54 (13.6%), 55-59 (13.0%), and 60-64 (11.7%).
Signs and symptoms
Because children who have experienced traumatic stress may seem restless, fidgety, or have trouble paying attention and staying organized, the symptoms of traumatic stress can be confused with symptoms of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
What Are the 3 C's That Concern Children When They Are Losing a Loved One? When someone close dies, children often have questions they can't always put into words. Beneath the sadness and confusion, three deep worries usually appear – known as the 3 C's of child grief: Cause, Catch, and Care.
Most people lose their first parent in middle adulthood, often between ages 40 and 60, with common peak ages around 50-54 for mothers and slightly earlier for fathers, though it varies widely by individual health, socioeconomic factors, and life expectancy, with some losing a parent as early as their 20s or teens. By age 50, over half of people in the U.S. have lost at least one parent, and by age 64, almost 90% have lost one or both, according to U.S. Census Bureau data from 2021.
Our Child Bereavement Service have put together some advice to help you support a child or young person dealing with a bereavement.
Bereavement Gift Ideas
The following tips may give you some ideas about what to do in your "grief time":