Avoidant partners tend to talk more about independence rather than closeness, freedom rather than intimacy, and self-reliance rather than interdependence. They fear clingy people or being seen as clingy themselves. Avoidant or unavailable partners tend to believe they can only depend on themselves.
Signs of Avoidant Attachment
They are likely to: Avoid physical touch. Avoid eye contact. Never or rarely ask for help.
Avoidant attachment types are extremely independent, self-directed, and often uncomfortable with intimacy. They're commitment-phobes and experts at rationalizing their way out of any intimate situation. They regularly complain about feeling “crowded” or “suffocated” when people try to get close to them.
They make the first move in a relationship
One of the main signs an avoidant loves you is that they make the first move! It is unnatural to make a move on you unless they are deeply in love with you! So, if they are reaching out, try to play coy and let them show you with attention!
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
In a poignant new study in the journal Emotion, Washington University psychologist Heike Winterheld found that the closer an avoidant person felt to their partner, the more they withheld their emotional troubles from them, called “protective buffering.” In surveying hundreds of people with different levels of avoidance ...
They often struggle with understanding what they are feeling on a deeper level and might be confused about what they really want or how to articulate it. Avoidant individuals might be afraid of being abandoned and so they abandon their relationships first.
At which point, the avoidant party undergoes a complete seachange. Their greatest fear, that of being engulfed in love, disappears at a stroke and reveals something that is normally utterly submerged in their character: a fear of being abandoned.
Avoidants are not “emotionally empty” and they do not hate love. Instead, they are afraid of being close to someone and want to avoid getting hurt. Being open to another person makes you vulnerable, and an avoidant person is scared of being rejected, abandoned, or hurt by trusting someone else.
People with a so-called avoidant attachment style have reported in previous research that they like touch less and engage in it much less than the average. Thus, they were the perfect candidates to investigate people who could benefit from less touch.
Avoidant / dismissive adults still self regulate in unhealthy ways; they might feel threatened by triggering dating or relationship situations, such as a partner trying to get emotionally close, and they might shut down their emotions in an attempt to feel safe and avoid feeling vulnerable.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time. Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation.
They tend to be shy, awkward, and self-conscious in social situations due to a fear of doing something wrong or being embarrassed. They tend to exaggerate potential problems. They seldom try anything new or take chances. They have a poor self-image, seeing themselves as inadequate and inferior.
Characteristics of Someone Who is Love Avoidant
They're suspicious of others, finding it difficult to build trusting feelings or a relationship. They're secretive, preferring to make decisions that impact others on their own.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
Avoidants are unlikely to talk much about their inner selves, especially with a virtual stranger. Overall, they'll reveal little and, consciously or not, communicate that they really don't need a partner. Anxious people will tend to disclose too much too soon—well before the other person is ready for closeness.
If your fearful-avoidant partner doesn't reach out to you via texting or calling and you're sure they aren't stressed or triggered, they could be testing you. Fearful avoidants sometimes test their partners by withdrawing. They want to see if you'll try to win them back and fight for them.
Although they can come across as very independent, they avoid intimacy because it makes them uncomfortable. This can manifest as not expressing feelings, avoiding eye contact in emotional situations, or diffusing emotions with humor or by other means.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
According to psychologists, people with avoidant attachment styles are individuals uncomfortable with intimacy and are therefore more likely to multiply sexual encounters and cheat.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...