Yes, the intense pain of infidelity can go away or significantly lessen over time, but it's a difficult, non-linear process involving grief, trauma, and rebuilding trust, often taking years, with lingering triggers possible even in healed relationships; recovery requires immense effort from both partners, including open communication, therapy, and processing feelings rather than suppressing them.
Consider these steps to promote healing:
Affair recovery is the process of healing a relationship mentally, emotionally, and physically after it has experienced infidelity. Affair recovery usually takes anywhere from six months to two years and is often a painful process yet a possible one for couples who possess humility, compassion, and tenacity.
Repair is possible but not guaranteed. Success requires sustained accountability from the person who cheated, authentic emotional repair from both partners, targeted work on underlying problems, and realistic time and behavioral milestones.
Acknowledge and validate your emotions
Suppressing or ignoring your true emotions about the betrayal is a common feature of betrayal trauma, but it's important to let yourself feel how you feel—whether that's anger, sadness, or a sense of loss.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
Infidelity Can Take 2-5 years to Recover, Research says. When you've been betrayed by someone you trusted deeply, everything you thought you knew about your relationship, and even yourself, can feel shattered. The pain isn't something you just “get over.” It lingers in your body, in your thoughts, in your sleep.
DON'T, at least do your best not to ...
Studies show that between 40-75% of couples survive infidelity, with a good average being around 57%. However, your odds of a lasting relationship after cheating plummet to 20% if you keep the affair secret. Trying to hide or brush away an affair can only spell doom for your relationship.
Although not everyone experiences each stage and they can occur in any order, these stages are:
On average, affairs usually end within 6 months to 2 years.
Statistics also show that once discovered, affairs usually run their course between 6-24 months (Taibbi, 2020). But too often an unfaithful partner will continue to see or contact their lover after the affair has been discovered (Macleod, 2021).
What does real trouble look like?
The Stages of Betrayal Trauma
Does the Pain of Being Cheated On Ever Go Away? Although infidelity is emotionally devastating, it is possible to recover and ease your pain over time. However, expect a bumpy ride to peace after such a betrayal. If you're hoping to forget about the infidelity and never think about it again—that's a little less likely.
Cheating on a partner doesn't always mean love is gone.
Many who cheat still feel love for their partner and guilt for the infidelity. Cheating can stem from emotional distance, insecurity, or the fear of missing out. Addiction, stress, or past trauma can drive infidelity without negating love.
The 7-7-7 rule for couples is a guideline for maintaining strong connection by scheduling dedicated time: a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway (or night away) every 7 weeks, and a longer, kid-free vacation every 7 months, all designed to fight drift and routine by ensuring consistent, intentional quality time, though flexibility is key.
Which 'Cheat: Unfinished Business' couples are together now?
Let's first look at how infidelity changes you if you were betrayed. Your self-esteem and self-worth are shattered. You wonder why you weren't “good enough”…and why someone else was “better.” Because your self-esteem is destroyed, you start looking for ways that you caused your spouse to stray.
Establishing Open Communication
Perhaps the most important part of healing a relationship after cheating is to maintain a healthy relationship through open and honest communication with your partner. Be open to letting them know where you are, who you are with etc., until a foundation of trust can begin to reform.
Phase 3: Second wave of anger after cheating
The memories of the betrayal, lying and cheating will flatten your feelings towards your husband or wife and create anger, frustration, anxiety and strong mental pain. You are furious because your spouse cheated on you and lied to you.
It contains three critical phases: atone, attune, and attach. In this phase of recovery, the betrayer's responsibility is to accept fault, try to make amends, and make up for their misdeed.
The anterior cingulate cortex and the insula, which are responsible for processing physical pain, also light up when we feel deep emotional wounds. This explains why betrayal can feel like a punch to the stomach, why your chest tightens with grief, and why your body might react as if you've been physically injured.
Does Being Cheated On Change You? Experiencing relationship betrayal can shake your sense of trust and security, leaving you feeling vulnerable and unsure of yourself. You may find yourself questioning your worth and value, wondering what you could have done differently to prevent the infidelity.