Narcissists feel entitled to maintaining power and control over the people that they abuse for as long as they see fit. Because of this, it is very common for narcissists to find a way back into your life after they discarded you so that they can keep tabs on you.
Narcissists may still think about you after they have discarded you but probably not in a good way. They may tell people how “crazy” or “abusive” you were and only think about all the reasons why they had to discard you.
As a general rule, if the narcissist is the one who discarded you, they will feel powerful, superior, and dominant. If you are the one who discarded the narcissist, they will experience a narcissistic injury and feel rejected, humiliated, and abandoned.
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
The narcissist's need for attention and validation
The narcissist's need for attention and validation may also be a reason why they reach out to you after the breakup. They may be looking for a reaction from you. They may hope to get your attention and make you feel like you need them.
Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person. Sometimes, this ending is final. Other times, a narcissist will use hoovering to lure the person back into the relationship and repeat the cycle.
To make the narcissist want you back, remind them of what they're missing by showing them you've got plenty of new supply to give. What is this? The narcissist thrives on external validation. Because of their deep-rooted insecurities, they cannot love themselves, and they seek affirmation from outside sources.
For a person who is narcissistic, their self-esteem is often tied to your relationship with them. When they see that you have moved on and are now dating someone else, they will feel jealous and threatened.
But as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it...
Following a discard, many narcissists will leave you alone for a while. Not only do they want you to feel worthless and undeserving of your time, but they're probably searching for better romantic prospects. The key to getting a narcissist to chase you is to show them what they're missing out on.
You point out all their flaws and deflecting onto you is exhausting for the narcissist, so they give up. The discard is permanent because you don't allow them to use their narcissist tactics on you. So now that the narcissist is finally out of your life, now is the time to not allow them back in.
Long-term relationships are boring to narcissists. They are drawn by the chase and may idealize the partners they can't have. They may appear to be charming, generous, and caring at first. But when they have you, they begin to get bored and to look for your faults.
Long term exposure to abuse can therefore lead to new neural pathways being formed which simply bypass emotions completely. It's protective evolution of the brain. And means that narcissists never feel hurt, pain or love. Therefore they can move on without a care in the world.
Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous. And not just about anyone potentially interested in you romantically, but anyone or anything that can take the focus off of them.
Although they will try to mask it as much as possible, a narcissist will get angry, seeing that you have moved on already. Deep down the show of grandiosity, narcissists have a fragile sense of self-esteem, which is easily threatened when they see their ex with someone else.
People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures. Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eyes of other people.
Narcissists use sex and the pretence of emotion to control others. They like to be in control, and often derive pleasure from giving or withdrawing sex or affection to this end. 10. Narcissists are not really capable of feeling guilty, and feel no shame about lying if they think that it will get them what they want.
They beg for your forgiveness, for you to give them another chance, they love you and they can't imagine living life without you. They love to see people in pain, it gives them a sense of power and they have to be in control of everything. They hadn't realised how important you were until they were caught out.
Narcissists want to have their own way. They tend to be rule-oriented and controlling. They are inflexible. It benefits narcissists to have partners who are willing to go with the flow and not make a big deal over anything, ever.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.
Illnesses, aging, and job losses or promotions can act as triggers for the narcissist to suddenly abandon the relationship.