If they tell you that having less contact with you than when you were previously in a relationship is causing them pain, then it may be best to go no contact. On occasion, a BP might actually initiate no contact. If that happens, accept that this is what they have deemed this necessary for their healing.
Sometimes people with BPD return after no contact, but it's important to remember that this doesn't mean the relationship will automatically work out. The best way to rebuild a relationship with your BPD ex is by starting fresh and focusing on your own needs.
Keep the emotional charge out of your voice and body language, tell only what needs to be told, and don't share your feelings about your ex. Be consistent with limit setting. BPDs have poor boundaries; they often don't recognize that there's a line between themselves and others.
It doesn't matter if the ex has mental illness or not. It is quite wise, and quite OK to include blocking to enforce that separation.
BPDs are highly emotional and highly emotionally dysregulated. They will mourn the loss a long time.
Ultimately, whether your BPD ex will come back after a breakup will depend on a variety of factors, including the specific dynamics of your relationship, the severity of their BPD symptoms, and their level of motivation to work on themselves and the relationship.
Although BPD personalities initiate a break-up as a way of seeking validation, because of the intense anxiety at play, they'll often express intense regret because of their abandonment wounding, especially if they're not met with the response they desire.
Getting over someone with a personality disorder is supposed to be harder because of the heightened emotion of the relationship itself. The love bombing and constant affirmation is easy to miss, especially when that person made you feel like they were your soulmate.
When a person with BPD perceives rejection, they may feel out of control and anxious, which can lead to behaviors like clinging or emotional manipulation. In extreme cases, physical, verbal, or emotional abuse may occur.
No contact is often perceived as abandonment. A person with BPD will likely feel hurt, betrayed, angry, sad, depressed…you name it. Look no further than the very first symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder according to the DSM: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
They may even obsess over their new partner, convinced this is the perfect person for them. The relationship is mostly positive but can move quickly, given the impulsivity among people with BPD.
BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. BPD splitting destroy relationships in the way that the person defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they can feel good about themselves.
The experience with him felt very present. People with BPD are in a constant state of black and white thinking Idealisation and devaluation. Yes, your ex will remember the good memories and shortly after the coin will flip and they will be devaluing you again that's part of the torture people with BPD suffer.
Can You Ignore or Say No to Someone with BPD? You can ignore them if you feel disrespected or unsafe, but do this as a last resort when communicating your boundaries hasn't worked. Acknowledge their feelings, but express that you feel disrespected, upset, or overwhelmed by their current behavior.
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability in relationships, self-image, moods, and behavior and hypersensitivity to possible rejection and abandonment. People with borderline personality disorder fear rejection and abandonment, partly because they do not want to be alone.
Cyclical Nature of BPD Abandonment
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
Even though people with BPD are unpredictable, they need to be included in your plans. You should never ignore them during these times. They will feel disrespected, and this could lead to more fighting. Instead, try to include them in your activities and treat them kindly.
Unfortunately, because people with BPD have an insecure sense of self, fragments in the relationship feel extremely threatening. If their favorite person disappoints them, it can feel devastating. They may react with rage, threats, or complete withdrawal.
They may feel like they're not good enough for you or will leave them, so they end the relationship before you have a chance to do so. If someone with BPD has ghosted you, it's essential to give yourself time to grieve and process what happened.
It's also important to remember that you can't force your BPD ex to unblock you. If they've decided to block you, it's up to them to unblock you. The best thing you can do is focus on taking care of yourself and moving on with your life.
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging. Your partner may have major difficulties with strong emotions, drastic mood swings, chronic fear of abandonment, and impulsive behaviors that can strain your relationship with chaos and instability.
No. Borderline Personality Disorder and cheating are not connected, though certain symptoms of BPD could drive someone to cheat. That said, if you and your partner are willing to work through the challenges of BPD and go to therapy, then there is no reason your relationship can't succeed.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
Past vs Present in Borderline Personality Disorder: Those with BPD can become stuck in the past in their attempts to recover their lost self. What keeps the past so alive is not facing your feelings.