Yes, sometimes we can choose whom we love. At the same time, powerful emotions drive the way we feel. It can be tough to decide where the feelings end and where our rationality takes over. In stressful times, you can make the choice to keep on loving someone rather than leaving them.
According to Hani Henry, chair and associate professor of psychology in the Department of Sociology, Anthropology, Psychology and Egyptology at AUC, Robert Sternberg's psychological theory covers the most common reasons why we fall in love, namely: intimacy, passion and commitment.
Loving Someone Isn't Based on a Whirlwind of Emotions
Mature love grows out of a developing attachment. Whether the person you love is a partner, friend, parent, or child, your strong feelings stem from a deep-rooted attachment rather than heightened passion or infatuation.
Loving a concept rather a person means you can easily imagine replacing your partner for someone else. According to licensed clinical psychotherapist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, the main thing that separates real, authentic love from loving the idea of someone is how attached you feel to your current partner.
Love evokes fond feelings and actions toward the other person, particularly. Attachment is driven by how you feel about yourself with the degree of permanence and safety someone gives you, based on your past relationships. In other words, with love, your person is “the one” you have feelings for.
A few telltale signs you've found a soulmate include a feeling of instant recognition and knowing each other, being inexplicably drawn to each other, and accepting who the other person is in totality.
You know you have an emotional connection with someone when you care about their needs and they care about yours. "When there is an emotional connection with someone, you want them to be happy," therapist Tracie Pinnock, LMFT, tells mbg. "The fulfillment of one's desire is a major part of being happy.
Whereas infatuation tends to happen very quickly and involves a strong attraction, love is a much deeper experience of knowing someone fully, feeling bonded and close to them, and caring about them in a way that's both enduring and not centered around how they make you feel.
For example, you can watch his body language. He's likely to turn his body towards you when in conversation and to make eye contact with you. He may pay attention to you more than others that are around. He's also likely to try spending time with you more than with others when he's falling in love.
Passionate love feels like instant attraction with a bit of nervousness. It's the "feeling of butterflies in your stomach,"Lewandowski says. "It's an intense feeling of joy, that can also feel a bit unsure because it feels so strong."
Ultimately, true love isn't found, stumbled upon or fallen into; true love is built, slowly and with great care. While love is a beautiful thing, there is nothing more beautiful in this universe than true love.
There's evidence to suggest that there's a love gender gap between men and women. In a series of several studies, published together by the American Psychological Association in 2011, researchers found that in partnerships between a man and a woman, the man is more likely to “confess to love” first.
We're commonly attracted to those who remind us of loved ones, such as parents, former significant others, or friends. “Subconsciously, hormones are activated because the other person has triggered some kind of similarity or resemblance,” says Beverly B. Palmer, Ph.
Being in love can feel different for everyone. You may feel physical sensations; some describe falling in love as a feeling as though their heart will swell and burst out of their chest (in a good way) when they see or think about their special someone, while others may feel butterflies in their stomach.
“Usually, infatuation lasts for between 18 months and three years,” says Mundin. “Unless a long-distance relationship is involved or an extremely insecure individual is fascinated, infatuation rarely lasts longer.”
While true and pure love between two people can often develop into long term commitment, infatuation may only in very few cases lead to any commitment. True love induces a feeling of close bond towards the other person that is mutual.
Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses' relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating "how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship ...
There is an ability to bring one another a deep sense of emotional and physical pleasure, yet unlike a normal hot relationship, there is also the experience of true love. For this rare type of soulmate connection, the two people have a sense of sharing the same soul, and finally, feel complete physically and mentally.
“When you've found The One, you want everyone in your life to meet them, and get to know them,” says Assimos. “You are genuinely excited about the prospect of being with this person, and you're no longer are looking around to see what else is out there.”
Men Need Love and Affection
In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.
One of the tell-tale signs that the universe wants to bring two people together is when they share things in common. Studies show we tend to be attracted to people who are similar to us. Pay attention to any similarities you share with someone – it could be a good indicator of whether you're compatible with them.
Thus, when you meet your soulmate, you have found someone who balances you, makes you happy, understands you, and wants you just as much as you want them. They also happen to, directly and indirectly, affect your relationship with others. You become social, approachable, and better at connecting to people.