Yes, people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) frequently push loved ones away as a defense mechanism against their intense fear of abandonment, creating a push-pull cycle where they crave closeness but sabotage relationships to control potential rejection or manage overwhelming intimacy. This behavior stems from deep-seated emotional dysregulation, leading to unstable relationships, black-and-white thinking, and rapid shifts from idealizing to devaluing people, making loved ones feel like they are on an emotional roller coaster.
Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance. Partners and family members of people with BPD often describe the relationship as an emotional roller coaster with no end in sight.
A new friend with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may initially present themselves as extraordinarily warm, engaging, energetic, HILARIOUS, and larger than life. They will bend over backwards to accommodate anything you may need, possibly offering it before you know you need it.
PD people create drama instead of solving the problem. The purpose of the drama is to protect their ego, validate their identity, distract from their deficiencies, justify their misbehavior, and avoid a feeling of emptiness.
Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way.
The number one trait of a narcissist is often considered a grandiose sense of self-importance (grandiosity) combined with a profound lack of empathy, where they see others as tools for their own gain and have an inflated, often unrealistic, view of their own superiority, needing constant admiration without acknowledging others' feelings or needs, as highlighted by HelpGuide.org and The Hart Centre. This core creates other behaviors like entitlement, manipulation, and arrogance, making them believe they deserve special treatment.
It feels like this person is ready to devote so much time, love, and care toward you, but what feels like deep love and care can be a form of obsession. It's important to note that not everyone with BPD is trying to deceive you by expressing their love.
Do not tell people with BPD how they should be feeling or behaving. Anger in people with BPD may represent one side of their feelings which can rapidly reverse so keeping this point in mind can help avoid taking the anger personally.
Those with BPD may withdraw affection, attention, or support from the person they have devalued. They may become emotionally distant, ignore their messages or calls, or even cut off contact entirely as a way to punish or distance themselves from the person they perceive as unworthy.
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
Many people with BPD unconsciously test their relationships by creating situations where partners must prove their commitment. This might look like picking fights to see if they'll stay, threatening to leave to see if they'll fight for you, or creating drama to ensure they're paying attention.
Individuals with BPD often experience emotions more intensely and for more extended periods than others. They might overshare their feelings to seek understanding, support, or validation.
Up to 50% of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) experience psychotic symptoms like hallucinations and paranoid thoughts. BPD-related psychosis typically differs from other psychotic disorders as symptoms are usually brief, stress-triggered, and the person often maintains some reality testing.
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
People with Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder frequently suffer in silence because they are misdiagnosed , misunderstood, and mis-typed. Emotional detachment is a common core feature of Quiet BPD that few mental health professionals are aware of.
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
BPD anger can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours, depending on the intensity of the emotions and whether the person has coping strategies in place. Some people may experience quick, explosive outbursts that disappear as suddenly as they started, while others may remain agitated for much longer.
When someone with BPD pushes you away, you must react with understanding, patience, and self-care. Although it can be difficult, remembering that their behavior is a response to their internal struggle and not a reflection of you can help maintain the relationship.
People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing. Many family members and friends of those with BPD cite lying as a major problem in their relationships.
Some couples stay together for years, while others find the relationship too volatile to sustain. The BPD relationship cycle is a recurring sequence of emotional highs and lows that can repeat many times unless both partners seek support.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
An overt, grandiose narcissist speaks quickly and constantly. Having been softened by the narcissist's bright energy and intense focus on you, you feel obliged to listen. Before you know it, you find yourself dragged along on a meandering conversation, unsure exactly how you ended up on this endless river of words.
A narcissist's apology is usually fake, manipulative, and lacks genuine remorse, focusing on shifting blame, avoiding responsibility, and regaining control rather than acknowledging wrongdoing, often using phrases like "I'm sorry if you were offended" or "I'm sorry but you started it," leaving the recipient feeling worse and unheard. They lack empathy and accountability, using these "fauxpologies" to disarm criticism, preserve their ego, and quickly move past conflict to get what they want.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I've found that there are seven phrases you'll hear from highly narcissistic people: