Yes, people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) frequently develop intense obsessions with specific individuals, often called a "Favorite Person" (FP), driven by deep-seated fears of abandonment and a need for validation, leading to cycles of idealization, dependency, and rapid devaluation if expectations aren't met, creating emotionally intense but unstable relationships. This obsession isn't just a crush; it involves an overwhelming focus, sometimes bordering on stalking, and a profound emotional reliance on that person for security and identity, making them feel like a drug or an addiction.
Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.
Your obsession might stem from emotional investment, nostalgia, or even an idealized version of her that exists in your head rather than who she truly is. When we fixate on someone, especially when they're distant or uninterested, it often has more to do with our own unresolved emotions than with the person themselves.
By learning to validate the feelings of someone with BPD, you help them and you help yourself. Example: "I can see that you seem very angry. Although I wouldn't be this angry, I recognise how angry you are and I accept that it is how you are feeling. Anger is your emotional response to this situation."
The 7 Stages of the BPD Relationship Cycle
Most individuals with BPD will find themselves oscillating between being open, loving, kind and generous to then rejecting their partner with malicious and spiteful behaviour in an attempt to have them meet their emotional needs.
Here are some signs of love in my experience as a pw BPD. I will tell you I love you, but I'm not good about talking about my feelings always, so I might not do it regularly. I will do nice things for you, presents, cook, favors, clean, things you like, or that I know will make you happy.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
Don't…
Most people with BPD struggle with low self-esteem. To cope with their feelings, they seek validation from others. They may have legitimate feelings for you and believe that exaggerated displays of affection are the best way to keep you close.
The duration of a BPD episode varies from person to person. Some episodes might last only a few hours, while others can persist for days.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) includes obsessions over a close or intimate relationship or partner and may include an obsessive focus on how a partner is unreliable or untrustworthy. Obsessive distrust in a relationship may link to depression, anxiety, and violence in a relationship.
Factors like attraction, fascination, and admiration might explain why you feel like you can't stop thinking about someone. Sometimes, this interest might be a sign of a problem, so it's important to recognize when this represents more of an obsession than mere interest.
People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, emotional support, and guidance. In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available.
In BPD, hypersexuality can be seen as a maladaptive coping mechanism used to manage intense emotional distress or feelings of emptiness, often associated with the disorder. The temporary relief or pleasure derived from sexual activity can provide a fleeting escape from these uncomfortable feelings.
Sexual, physical or emotional abuse or neglect.
The Roots of Obsession in BPD
This emotional dysregulation can lead to obsessive thinking to cope with overwhelming feelings. Fear of abandonment: A core feature of BPD is a fear of abandonment, which can result in obsessive thoughts about a person's relationships, friendships, or romantic partners.
Due to the marked similarities between BPD symptomatology and fearful/disorganized attachment (Beeney et al., 2017), it is hypothesized that the combination of anxious and avoidant dimensions will correspond most powerfully with BPD.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
One of the primary challenges of dating someone with borderline personality disorder is the emotional turmoil and confusion it can bring. Individuals with the disorder may have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to intense and unpredictable mood swings.
People with BPD can experience rapid and extreme mood swings, often in response to real or perceived abandonment. Understanding that these emotional reactions are not personal but rather part of the disorder can help reduce frustration in relationships.
BPD Meltdown
During a meltdown, people may experience extreme mood swings, impulsivity, and difficulty calming down. Understanding how BPD contributes to meltdowns is crucial for developing coping strategies and providing support to manage and navigate these overwhelming emotional experiences.
Individuals with BPD tend to have significant difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them, including parents, siblings, and romantic partners. Loved ones are often left feeling confused, helpless, and abused because of the erratic behavior exhibited by a person with BPD.
How can I help myself in the longer term?