"People with BPD have a tendency to view people, and themselves, in very black or white terms," Dr. Miari said. "They tend to idolize people in certain situations and then devalue them very quickly." That makes it hard for them to stick with not only romantic partners but also career choices and friend groups.
People who have BPD tend to view others in all-or-nothing, black-and-white terms. This self-protective defense mechanism aims to help people with BPD protect themselves from getting hurt in relationships. By labeling people as "good," they are able to engage in relationships despite the emotional risks.
Many people with BPD have a “favorite person” — this is the person they rely on. Unfortunately, while a favorite person can be a source of validation and support, these relationships can also be toxic for both parties.
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
For a person with BPD there are significant fears of abandonment and they will attach to a favourite person and rely on this person for emotional validation and security. Their favourite person becomes the source of their comfort and devotion.
People with BPD can often function well in informal social situations. They are often charismatic and can be the “life of the party.” However, once relationships become more intimate and the emotional stakes grow higher, people with BPD can begin to show more symptoms.
Fact: People with BPD are capable of giving and receiving love. People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love.
Unfortunately, because people with BPD have an insecure sense of self, fragments in the relationship feel extremely threatening. If their favorite person disappoints them, it can feel devastating. They may react with rage, threats, or complete withdrawal.
Once upset, borderline people are often unable to think straight or calm themselves in a healthy way. They may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways.
People with BPD are very sensitive to rejection. They may lie or exaggerate to cover mistakes or to maintain an overly positive image so that others will not reject them.
One of the most common ways of characterizing patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder is that they are manipulative.
According to HealthyPlace, selfishness in the case of BPD arises from unmet needs: People with a borderline personality often report being neglected or abused as children. Consequently, they feel empty, angry, and deserving of nurturing.
They Have Unrealistic Expectations
"People with BPD are looking to their relationships to be the answer to all of their interpersonal and emotional needs," Dr. Unruh said. They tend to look for "perfect" relationships, he added, and their expectations often don't match up with those of the average person.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) isn't a personal choice. It's a mental health condition, and it can be managed. Can a person with borderline personality disorder feel love? Absolutely!
Push/Pull behaviors
Pulling someone into a close relationship and then pushing that person away repeatedly is one of the most well-known symptoms of BPD. It causes the person in question to be confused about where they stand in the relationship.
Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often has trouble maintaining friendships. They tend to search for emotional caregivers and have difficulty grasping the idea of friendship. In any sort of friendship, they have unreasonable expectations for attention, validation, and compassion.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
Passionate and emotional – When a person with BPD loves, the love is deep, highly committed and loyal to the relationship. Even though there may be struggles with attachment and fears of abandonment, these are ultimately manifestations of love.
BPD splitting ruins relationships since the person can misconstrue the behaviours of others when their feelings are brought up in the relationship. Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them.
There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence from other people's experiences that suggest 2-4 years is more common. So, if you want to know how long your relationships might last if you have BPD, it really does depend on the intensity of your condition.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) occasionally exhibit strong impulsivity, seduction, and excessive sexuality. For both men and women with BPD, sexual promiscuity, sexual obsessions, and hypersexuality or sexual addiction are common symptoms.
BPD patients showed more facial disgust and social smiling but less contempt than the non-patient group.
The relationships of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are known to be fraught with difficulty, due at least in part to the tendency these individuals have to pick the wrong partners.
Research from 2017 points out that feelings of loneliness are common in people with BPD. Many people with BPD have a strong desire to be close to others. However, fear of abandonment or a skewed sense of self may cause them to act impulsively or aggressively in an effort to keep loved ones close to them.