There are many reasons that an ex with narcissistic personality may move on without ever looking back or considering how you feel. But it's most likely never a personal choice. Instead, handling relationships in this way is part of the complexity of narcissism.
Long term exposure to abuse can therefore lead to new neural pathways being formed which simply bypass emotions completely. It's protective evolution of the brain. And means that narcissists never feel hurt, pain or love. Therefore they can move on without a care in the world.
So when problems occur in a relationship, the narcissist will not have the necessary skills to stay and communicate and try to resolve the issues. Instead they will move onto a new relationship where there are no problems. Once problems begin to occur, which they inevitably will, the narcissist will once again move on.
It depends. According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most).
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
Reality Check 101
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
While people with narcissism aren't devoid of emotions, their motivations may be self-focused. They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
But as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it...
They experienced higher levels of negative emotions and walked away with particularly negative views of their ex-partner. So if you're ending a relationship with a narcissist, you may find them either especially nonchalant about the breakup or especially upset.
They WILL move on quickly because narcissists tend to view other people (including their partners) as conveniences — and once you are no longer useful, they will move on.
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
Do Narcissists Come Back to Relationships? Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back.
Narcissists hate losing their supply of attention, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."
Some people with narcissistic personality may jump from relationship to relationship. It may be the pattern they're used to. This means that they might do everything possible to get with you, then lose all interest when you're committed to them.
They experienced higher levels of negative emotions and walked away with particularly negative views of their ex-partner. So if you're ending a relationship with a narcissist, you may find them either especially nonchalant about the breakup or especially upset.
Narcissists get over their exes very quickly. In a survey we conducted among 300 people who experienced narcissistic abuse in a romantic relationship, we discovered that the average amount of time it took for a narcissist to get over their ex was three-and-a-half weeks.
A tactic that narcissists will often use once they realize that they've lost control over you is self-victimization. When a narcissist victimizes themselves it means that they label themselves as victims and blame their problems on external factors.
Narcissists and other manipulators can try to win you back even after you cut them out of your life. In fact, they can do that even if they were the one who ended the relationship.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.
A narcissist will gaslight their partner throughout the relationship, to the very end, making them question their own beliefs and sabotaging their self-esteem. Allow me to remind you, they are making it obvious that you are not needed, but they won't call it quits.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.