They might have empathy, but they also have a lack of compassion. A narcissist will not do anything to help you in a time of need – because they lack the capacity to provide real understanding and compassion. A narcissist may begin to feel guilty about your sadness, but that doesn't mean that he or she will stop it.
Since narcissists are terrified of facing inner turmoil, they'll do anything to shut down situations that require empathy or recognizing others' emotions. Instead of a good apology, they'll usually say things like “I'm sorry you feel that way” or “I don't know why you're reacting like this, but I'm sorry you are.”
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
Dealing with a person with narcissism can be difficult because they often don't want to see you happy. It can lead to arguments, aggressive outbursts, and shaming. The person might also play the victim and try to convince you that you were wrong.
Ultimately, it is draining to be in a relationship with a narcissist, and you have to accept the fact they will never empathise with your feelings, no matter how long you are together. Some may learn to be self-aware in time, and learn to notice when they are hurting you.
The narcissist revels in your pain because they don't identify with empathy, they identify with power and control. They target people with a high level of empathy because they are easier to manipulate. It gives them a sense of great satisfaction and power to know that they can cause you pain.
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love. Narcissists do not want to feel like you don't need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
You can expect the narcissist to feel anger because you put them in such a situation where they have to face their emotions (or lack thereof). Your tears also put the spotlight on you, which is unacceptable for a narcissist.
It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions and crying. However, their experiences are much more likely to be self-serving and less likely to be rooted in empathy.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection. If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn't directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.
In fact, narcissists prefer to target someone who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire, because they believe it makes them shine too. "Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
A narcissist may lose interest in you if they feel defeated in some way. This could be due to a perceived slight, a challenge to their authority, or a failure to receive the admiration they believe they deserve.
Narcissists don't fail to notice your suffering, they take joy in it. Natalie Frank, Ph. D. While narcissists can be annoying due to their total self-absorption and tendency to seek attention and admiration from others, some possess a darker side.
They become unhinged when things don't go their way. And so, their indirect actions often lead others to feel sad, frustrated, or afraid. Some narcissists are more malicious. They may have no problem trying to “break you down.” They don't care if you cry in their presence- or if you feel sad at all.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
Interestingly, the narcissist doesn't just fear to lose you because you make their world go round. They fear to lose you because you also make their world look good.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.