No, hoarders don't necessarily lack empathy; research suggests they often experience excessive emotional empathy (emotional contagion) but may struggle with cognitive empathy (understanding others' perspectives), sometimes transferring deep emotional attachments from people to objects due to past trauma or relationship deficits, leading them to feel discarding items is like losing a loved one.
A recent conference presentation suggests that the extreme emotional attachment of a hoarder to their stuff could stem from an excess of empathy—particularly affective empathy as measured by their response to others' distress.
Personality. Many people who have hoarding disorder have a behavior style that includes trouble making decisions and problems with attention, organization and problem-solving. Family history. There is a strong association between having a family member who has hoarding disorder and having the disorder yourself.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is associated with an assortment of characteristics that undermine interpersonal functioning. A lack of empathy is often cited as the primary distinguishing feature of NPD.
Difficult feelings
Hoarding can be related to difficult experiences and painful feelings. You may find these hard to express, face or resolve. Some people say hoarding helps them cope with other mental health problems. Or that it distracts them from feeling very anxious, upset or afraid.
In many cases, hoarding disorder is closely linked to Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). C-PTSD develops in response to prolonged, repeated trauma, particularly in situations where escape or relief is not possible—such as in cases of chronic childhood abuse or neglect.
Don't say “If we don't clean up this apartment and get rid of all these things, I'm going to leave.” Don't say “We have too much stuff! We have got to get rid of some or else we'll never be able to move again!” Don't say “I can only stay here if we start throwing away all our junk.”
Lack of empathy is a core feature of antisocial personality disorder, but this alone should not lead to conclusions of the diagnosis. Narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, and schizoid personalities all have their own brand of unempathic presentations.
Symptoms
The main treatment for hoarding disorder is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a skills-based approach to therapy. You learn how to better manage beliefs and behaviors that are linked to keeping the clutter.
Hoarding disorder is a recognized psychological condition where people feel compelled to keep items regardless of their actual value or usefulness. The thought of discarding things causes significant distress, leading to rapid accumulation and cluttered living spaces.
Many people who hoard have strongly held beliefs related to acquiring and discarding things, such as: "I may need this someday" or "If I buy this, it will make me happy". Others may be struggling to cope with a stressful life event, such as the death of a loved one.
Some of us who hoard don't know we're hoarding. But recognising it and the effect it's having on our lives can be the first step to getting support.
As for why you might have difficulty feeling or demonstrating empathy, there are several reasons this might be the case. Sometimes it stems from an experience, such as trauma, illness, or burnout, where a person has a diminished capacity to take on another person's problems.
However, hoarding behaviors appear relatively early in life (usually between the ages of 15 and 19 years) and then follow a chronic course. If you notice signs of hoarding in your child or someone you know, early recognition, diagnosis and treatment are essential to improving outcomes.
According to psychology, there are specific personality types that are notoriously difficult to live with. These can include the passive-aggressive communicator, the relentless critic, or the energy-draining pessimist. However, recognizing these traits is the first step toward managing the stress they cause.
Q1: How do I know when it's time to walk away from someone with mental illness? If the relationship leaves you feeling unsafe, emotionally drained, or consistently unhappy despite support efforts, it may be time to step back and prioritize your well-being.
To tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), look for patterns of intense mood swings, unstable relationships, a distorted self-image, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, intense anger, fear of abandonment, self-harm, and stress-related paranoia or dissociation; a diagnosis requires a mental health professional to assess at least five of these core symptoms, which often overlap with other conditions, making professional evaluation crucial.
Signs of Lack of Empathy
INFJ. Thanks to their ability to intuit other people's emotions, INFJs are usually very polite and sensitive. This personality type tends to be reserved and private so you can expect any exchange with them to be courteous.
Childhood maltreatment, including various forms of physical, emotional, and sexual, abuse and neglect, significantly harms interpersonal functioning across a person's life, indicating abnormalities in processes related to empathy (Pfaltz et al., 2022; Fares-Otero et al., 2023).
Compulsive or problematic hoarding behaviors occur in a variety of neuropsychiatric disorders, including obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), schizophrenia, and dementia.
In fact, if it's done without their consent, discarding the hoarder's possessions usually does more harm than good. The hoarder will likely be angry and resentful—damaging the relationship between you—and their process of accumulation will simply begin all over again.
If the 5x5 method is as new to you as it was to me, allow me to explain. Coined by Steph of The Secret Slob, this technique requires nothing but a timer and twenty-five free minutes. Pick five rooms or zones and dedicate five minutes per area. In twenty-five minutes, Steph promises a cleaner, less cluttered home.