It's the ultimate “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves.
Someone who is emotionally unavailable can certainly change, but it isn't an overnight change and there is little you can do to change someone else. An emotionally unavailable man who can't love must see his closed-off emotions as a problem and want to make a change.
For instance, they may find it difficult to commit to moving in or getting married. Instead of committing and deepening a relationship and connection with one person, emotionally unavailable people are more likely to have multiple superficial relationships and cut things off with people when they become too serious.
There are varying degrees of emotional unavailability. Some people open up to only a few people, but hold back from those who are close to them. Additionally, some people may be aware of their own emotional unavailability, while others don't know they are emotionally unavailable.
That alone can set you apart from other women, making you a gamechanger. Can an emotionally unavailable man change? Yes. He must however have self-awareness of his behavior and you have to be someone he deems valuable enough to change for.
The answer is yes! They can fall in love when they see the right person. Emotionally unavailable men would be ready to drop all their unhealthy behaviors so that they would not scare their love interest away. This doesn't mean that the emotionally unavailable man would get better immediately.
Emotionally unavailable individuals are also quick to find excuses to explain why they are late to visit you, do not show up on dates, or have not spoken to you in a while. They may say that they are busy. But if they are constantly “busy” doing things and hanging out with people besides you, this could be a red flag.
Emotional Unavailable People are Not Always Toxic. An emotionally unavailable is someone who finds it difficult to share feelings and to get genuinely close to another. It doesn't mean they don't have feelings — they do — but they can't access or express them, often both.
They Don't Like to Open Up to You
One of the most common characteristics of an emotionally-unavailable person is the reluctance to reveal their feelings to you. Discussing how you're feeling is a normal part of a healthy relationship, but a detached partner will not be comfortable doing this.
For example, instead of coming off as aloof, an emotionally unavailable person can be really happy and excited to see you, but they won't remember what's important to you or details about your life.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, there is a possibility that this could trigger an old trauma or hurt. Instead of him opening up or realizing, he might feel you're doing the same thing again. This is why it's also important to understand what happened or what triggered him to be like this.
"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.
Emotionally unavailable men are mostly driven by their fear of intimacy and commitment and their fear of losing their independence in a relationship. You would typically find them shying away from any conversation that involves your relationship, your feelings or any long-term plans.
Yes, many men who appear to be emotionally unavailable might actually miss you even though they may never show it.
We Love The Chase
We, as humans, often want what we can't have. If you're chasing after somebody who's emotionally unavailable, it's going to be a never ending, dead-end chase, but that might be exciting to you. There's a lot of psychology behind this, too, it's called intermittent reinforcement.
It is important to remember that emotional detachment is not a mental health condition, but it might be a symptom of some mental disorders. If you think you might be experiencing symptoms of emotional detachment, you should talk to a doctor or mental health professional.
They may use manipulation tactics to prevent you from doing things you enjoy. Sometimes, emotional unavailability and emotional abandonment may also be considered emotional abuse. You may find emotional abuse gradually takes away your freedom, individuality, and sense of self.
They don't put the same effort into the relationship.
The emotionally unavailable person just can't seem to get to the same place as you. "They anticipate being let down, so they don't make the effort," Feuerman says. When that person stops putting energy into the relationship, the end is nigh, she adds.
"You have to step back, in support of them hopefully stepping up," Gatling explains. It's important to be clear with your partner about what you want from the relationship and how you would like them to show up for you. Then, you must stop expending so much of your own energy and give them the space to show up.
But when you're with someone emotionally unavailable, you won't feel any of the warm fuzzy feelings around your heart. You may have some good feelings, but there's a feeling of stagnation where the good isn't growing and the love is deepening. If you notice a lack of spark and joy, don't ignore that feeling; listen in.
Let go. Walk away and cold turkey it out. Start addressing why you can't move on from him and why you pursue men that are incapable of giving you relationships and why you think about being with them even when you're out on dates.
If he is willing to push through his fear of opening up, it's likely he cares for and feels safe with you. Be aware of how often he is there for you. If he is a consistently supportive presence in your life, he is expressing his love. Look out for signs that he likes being physically close for you.