Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.
Being with an emotionally unavailable man is a daily struggle, but whether he breaks it off or you do, he can still miss being with you. When you are in the relationship, it seems he doesn't care enough to work on it – leaving you holding the emotional reins for both of you.
They'll try to push your buttons and make you jealous in any way that they can. They'll ignore you when you break no contact and reach out. They'll make you feel crazy after you react and then, all to quickly and calmly, remind you that the relationship is over.
Often, no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings. During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists or by talking to your close friends and family.
An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.
They avoid commitment
Fear of commitment and fear of getting too close are two common signs of emotional unavailability in men and women. Emotionally unavailable partners might prefer having casual relationships with multiple people or may end relationships if things are getting “too serious.”
Perhaps you consciously want commitment, but deep down you fear true intimacy, losing your sense of self in the relationship, or getting hurt. As a result, it may feel safer to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable, because you know on some level that you don't have to fully commit to the other person.
An emotionally unavailable man who can't love must see his closed-off emotions as a problem and want to make a change. Men do it, and so do women, but not without extensive work. If you are dating or married to an emotionally unavailable man, your best hope is that he sees the problem and seeks help.
An emotionally unavailable man will also love the fact that you don't seem emotionally invested in him—after all, you're spending time with friends and pursuing your own interests. You don't need to call or text him to tell him what you've been up to—just post pictures or updates on your social media for him to see.
Have a conversation with your partner and make sure they understand that their emotional unavailability is a problem for you. Confirm that they are willing to do something about it. Make sure that they understand that they need to take responsibility for making a concerted effort to reach out to you.
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.
An emotionally unavailable man usually can't be bothered to remember the little things since they're not invested in the relationship. But once he falls in love, it'll be impossible for him to forget you—the color of your eyes, your favorite things, the way you take your coffee, and more.
We Love The Chase
We, as humans, often want what we can't have. If you're chasing after somebody who's emotionally unavailable, it's going to be a never ending, dead-end chase, but that might be exciting to you. There's a lot of psychology behind this, too, it's called intermittent reinforcement.
An emotionally unavailable man can fall in love, but it would take longer than someone who has their emotions in check. The reason is not far-fetched because he wants to be sure that he's not committing his emotions into the hands of someone that would break his trust.
Some people don't find it easy to recognize or express key emotions, like anger or love. But that doesn't mean they don't experience those emotions at all. Emotionally unavailable people can certainly fall in love. They just might have a harder time recognizing when it happens and putting their feelings into words.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Ignoring an emotionally unavailable man is the only way to go as long as you are going into no contact for your own emotional well-being and not as a vengeful tactician.
Have a conversation with your partner and make sure they understand that their emotional unavailability is a problem for you. Confirm that they are willing to do something about it. Make sure that they understand that they need to take responsibility for making a concerted effort to reach out to you.
If you've been wondering, “Will no contact make him move on?”, or, “Will no contact work if he lost feelings?” once he reaches this stage, the answer is yes. The distance, the pain, and angst caused by the no-contact period may make him see that he's better off without this relationship.
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.