Dismissive-avoidant individuals have completed a mental transformation that says: “I am good, I don't need others, and they aren't really important to me. I am fine as I am,” while the fearful-avoidant are still consciously craving an intimacy which scares them when it actually happens.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment
Someone who is dismissive-avoidant in their attachment style may appear withdrawn and highly independent. They feel as though they do not need close, intimate relationships, preferring not to be dependent upon others, nor have others depend upon them.
We actually do crave intimacy.
“Avoidants do feel intense emotions, including deep and consuming love,” Iris*, 26, who identifies as avoidantly attached, tells SELF.
Avoidant Attachment
They avoid intimacy and therefore tend to pull away from people who want to be intimate with them. Because the avoidant type finds intimacy uncomfortable, they may compartmentalize sex as something that is purely physical and attempt to avoid bringing intimacy into their sex life.
Many people with avoidant personality disorder live in a fantasy world that helps them feel emotionally connected to the world. For example, a woman with avoidant traits may fantasize that her boss is interested in becoming her husband and that they truly love each other even though he's happily married with 7 kids.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
People with a so-called avoidant attachment style have reported in previous research that they like touch less and engage in it much less than the average.
After intimacy deepens, the avoidant partner loses interest in being sexual, in hugging, kissing, and perhaps even holding hands. Some avoidant partners will seem to actively limit physical proximity, such as sitting closely together on a couch where contact may be possible.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
They go out of their way to spend time with you.
So they often try to keep people at a distance for as long as they can out of reluctance to take things to a deeper level. This being said, if your avoidant partner prioritizes you and goes out of their way to spend time with you, they're likely in love.
In a Love Avoidants mind, intimacy with another person is equivalent to being engulfed, suffocated, and controlled. Too much closeness can literally cause them to feel like they are losing themselves, and yes, it can even feel like dying. (that is how intense their fears can be).
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
While love addicts require constant emotional reassurance and attention as proof of a loving relationship, the love avoidant person often feels that their love is proven simply by supporting their partner on an economic and physical level. For the emotionally avoidant person, love becomes an obligation.
Partners with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style may struggle to express feelings and connect deeply with their mates. They might not talk about how they feel or turn down their partner's attempts to do so. This can make their partner feel alone and unsupported.
Adults with the dismissive / avoidant attachment style seem to be pretty happy about who they are and where they are. They might be very social, easy-going, and fun to be around. In addition, these individuals might have a lot of friends and/or sexual partners. Generally speaking, they are not alone or lonely.
Based on how attachment patterns work, I believe that people with dismissing/avoidant styles cheat because they are running away from closeness in relationships. People with preoccupied/anxious styles cheat because they are running toward closeness in their relationships.
Physical affection and sex may be different with an avoidant partner. Some avoidant partners may be sensitive about physical touch. They may not enjoy long hugs or feel unsure about frequent contact, explains Jordan. Let them know that you realize that they have different preferences, she says.
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment may be attracted to anxious partners because their pursuit and need for closeness reinforce the avoidant person's need for independence and self-reliance. Anxious and avoidant partners may also seek their partner's traits due to wanting those traits in themselves.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Avoidant individuals may gravitate towards Acts of Service or Quality Time as their primary love languages, as these gestures offer connection without excessive emotional vulnerability.
For instance, a dismissive attacher might be prone to flirting with someone else, ignoring their partner's texts or calls, or making decisions without their partner in order to push the partner away. A tendency to be overly concerned about being controlled.
Summary. Someone with a fearful-avoidant attachment style tends to have more sexual partners than other people and often find themselves having a lot of sex with a lot of different people even if they're not that interested in the sex itself.
to um they are openness warmth and vulnerability. and these are big attraction features in the early stages of a relationship.
An avoidant-dismissive person can have a successful loving relationship once they acknowledge their attachment style and are willing to work on the detrimental effect it will play out on their loving relationship if they continue acting out avoidant-dismissive behavior.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.