A core feature of BPD is interpersonal dysfunction. One form of interpersonal dysfunction that has been observed in individuals with BPD is intimate partner violence (IPV) perpetration.
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) tend to have major difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them. Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance.
Those with BPD often cannot rein in their emotions and therefore struggle to rein in their behavior. Saying "Stop over-reacting" or "I don't understand you" invalidates a complex inner experience and can create more defensive volatility in BPD.
It is this person who regulates the pwBPD's emotions, so if their FP is ignoring them, the pwBPD would spiral out of control without their person there to regulate them. Their emotions could run wild, they could feel panic, they could be anxious, and they could feel rejected. Above all else, they could feel abandoned.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often experience intense emotions, unstable self-images, and difficulty managing feelings, leading to erratic moods, unstable relationships, impulsive behaviors, and a profound fear of abandonment, feeling like life is lived on an "exposed nerve". They might shift from idealizing someone to intense dislike, struggle with chronic emptiness, and engage in self-harm or risky actions to cope with overwhelming distress, with symptoms varying widely from person to person.
To conclude, people with Borderline Personality Disorder can love and be loved. Their experience of love might be different and potentially more intense, but with understanding, patience, and professional help, they can navigate the complexities of relationships and build meaningful bonds with their loved ones.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are triggered by intense emotions, particularly fear of abandonment, rejection, and invalidation, often stemming from past trauma, leading to reactions like sudden anger or self-harm when feeling criticized, alone, or facing instability, sudden changes, or perceived neglect, according to sources like Borderline in the ACT. Common triggers include relationship conflicts, cancelled plans, perceived or real abandonment, reminders of trauma, or unmet needs like sleep, disrupting their fragile sense of self and emotional regulation.
While not all people with BPD lie, BPD and lying can run the risk of weakening trust and placing a relationship in jeopardy, since it's a mental health condition often marked by emotional volatility, negative self-perception and unhealthy attachment styles, a partner with BPD may not even realize they're behaving this ...
Their fear of abandonment and low self esteem may manifest into them convincing themselves that you no longer want to be with them – whether there is any actual evidence for this or not. To try and tackle the “divide” in the relationship, the borderline sufferer might begin to withdraw or pick fights.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is one of the most effective tools for managing BPD rage. Skills like emotion regulation, mindfulness, and distress tolerance are designed for moments of intense emotion. These skills take practice and often work best when learned with the help of a therapist.
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
Some common types of delusions that may occur in individuals with BPD include: Persecutory delusions: Believing that one is being mistreated, harassed, or conspired against by others.
Those with BPD can get too reliant on and obsessed with their FP to get out of the relationship but the emotions they experience, simultaneously, are too intense to stay secure and healthy in the relationship. Therefore, they often feel like having no control over the relationship.
Some couples stay together for years, while others find the relationship too volatile to sustain. The BPD relationship cycle is a recurring sequence of emotional highs and lows that can repeat many times unless both partners seek support.
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
When you're in the throes of overwhelming emotions, you may be unable to think straight or stay grounded. You might say hurtful things or act out in impulsive, dangerous, or inappropriate ways that later make you feel guilty or ashamed.
The "3-day rule after argument" is a relationship strategy where partners take a few days of space to cool down, process emotions, and gain perspective after a heated fight, preventing impulsive words and allowing for calmer, more constructive reconciliation later. While some find it helpful for clarity, others argue it can create anxiety or resentment, recommending shorter breaks (like 20 mins) or immediate, but calm, reconnection instead, emphasizing healthy communication skills over prolonged silence.
BPD Meltdown
During a meltdown, people may experience extreme mood swings, impulsivity, and difficulty calming down. Understanding how BPD contributes to meltdowns is crucial for developing coping strategies and providing support to manage and navigate these overwhelming emotional experiences.
While a marriage can potentially survive BPD, it takes a lot of trust, patience, understanding, and willingness to work together through the issues.
Individuals with BPD may lie due to their emotional dysregulation and inability to tease out the truth from their fears. By helping the person with BPD to gain self-awareness of their lies and the damage they are doing, they may be motivated to find more effective ways of communicating their fears.
Clinical experience suggests that social rejection and solitude can trigger states of aversive tension in individuals with BPD, and that these conditions often precede self-injurious behaviors (Herpertz, 1995; Stiglmayr et al., 2005).
Conclusions: Parental externalizing psychopathology and father's BPD traits contribute genetic risk for offspring BPD traits, but mothers' BPD traits and parents' poor parenting constitute environmental risks for the development of these offspring traits.
Up to 50% of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) experience psychotic symptoms like hallucinations and paranoid thoughts. BPD-related psychosis typically differs from other psychotic disorders as symptoms are usually brief, stress-triggered, and the person often maintains some reality testing.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).