No, not all individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) have a "favorite person" (FP), but it's a very common pattern due to intense attachment needs, where one person becomes the focal point for emotional validation and support, sometimes to an unhealthy degree. While often romantic, an FP can be anyone, and some with BPD avoid FPs due to fear of abandonment or find them in non-human companions, but the intense idealization and dependency are core BPD traits.
Key Takeaways. People with BPD often have a "favorite person" to provide support and comfort during emotional upheaval. Being a favorite person means setting healthy boundaries to maintain a balanced relationship. It is important to communicate clear boundaries and challenge any violations to avoid an unhealthy dynamic ...
Having a favorite person is not a requirement or one of the criteria for an individual with BPD. It's a relatively new term as far as I know, and basically is just a way to identify the person that the individual with BPD is obsessing over, or is latched onto.
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) tend to have major difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them. Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance.
The 7 Stages of the BPD Relationship Cycle
Most individuals with BPD will find themselves oscillating between being open, loving, kind and generous to then rejecting their partner with malicious and spiteful behaviour in an attempt to have them meet their emotional needs.
Some people have relationships that just last a few weeks or months, while other people living with BPD have relationships that last years or even decades (sometimes with cycles of breaking up and getting back together).
Do not tell people with BPD how they should be feeling or behaving. Anger in people with BPD may represent one side of their feelings which can rapidly reverse so keeping this point in mind can help avoid taking the anger personally.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
Losing a favourite person can be devastating for someone with BPD. It can trigger intense emotional pain, feelings of emptiness, and abandonment fears. This loss might lead to severe mood swings, depression, or even self-harm in some cases.
It feels like this person is ready to devote so much time, love, and care toward you, but what feels like deep love and care can be a form of obsession. It's important to note that not everyone with BPD is trying to deceive you by expressing their love.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by difficulties with emotional regulation and unstable personal relationships. Many people with BPD have a “favorite person” — this is the person they rely on.
Here are signs you have a favorite person relationship:
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are triggered by intense emotions, particularly fear of abandonment, rejection, and invalidation, often stemming from past trauma, leading to reactions like sudden anger or self-harm when feeling criticized, alone, or facing instability, sudden changes, or perceived neglect, according to sources like Borderline in the ACT. Common triggers include relationship conflicts, cancelled plans, perceived or real abandonment, reminders of trauma, or unmet needs like sleep, disrupting their fragile sense of self and emotional regulation.
The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
Despite a strong desire for intimacy, individuals with BPD may exhibit insecure, avoidant, ambivalent, or fearfully preoccupied attachment styles in relationships, complicating their interactions and connections with others.
A “Favorite Person” is someone with whom a person with BPD forms an intense emotional attachment. This relationship is often marked by a combination of deep admiration, dependence and fear of abandonment. The FP becomes a central figure in the individual's life, often absorbing much of their emotional energy and focus.
Being married to someone with BPD can make you feel like you're being left alone with your worries and stresses. The stress and uncertainty associated with caring for the individual through their mood swings can take an emotional toll on a spouse.
Signs of having an FP
They may also feel very happy when receiving the FP's attention but feel anxious when they are not. Other potential signs of a BPD-FP relationship could include: frequently seeking the person's approval or guidance. feeling abandoned if the individual is unavailable or unresponsive.
Due to the marked similarities between BPD symptomatology and fearful/disorganized attachment (Beeney et al., 2017), it is hypothesized that the combination of anxious and avoidant dimensions will correspond most powerfully with BPD.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
In BPD, hypersexuality can be seen as a maladaptive coping mechanism used to manage intense emotional distress or feelings of emptiness, often associated with the disorder. The temporary relief or pleasure derived from sexual activity can provide a fleeting escape from these uncomfortable feelings.
Conflicts and disagreements are difficult for people with BPD, as they interpret these as signals of uncaring or relationship termination, generating feelings of anger and shame.
Jobs that draw on empathy, communication, and understanding, traits often strengthened by lived experience with BPD, can also be deeply rewarding. Examples include: Teaching assistant or education support worker. Counsellor, peer support, or mental health worker.
How can I help myself in the longer term?