"Avoidant types often think someone is out to get them, including their partner. So, they hide aspects of their lives that make them feel vulnerable. They may create an invisible web of hidden people, facts, and histories, along with little white lies that often seem ridiculous or unnecessary.
Deception may be used as a way to preserve an individual's independence (Solomon, 1993), in which case those individuals with avoidant attachment styles would be more likely to lie to their partner.
To partners it may appear that they are often lying, holding secrets and highly paranoid. Many have developed disassociation as a coping strategy. "Constantly inundated by an avalanche of intense emotions, the disorganized person learns to dissociate from them, essentially detaching from their emotions.
Those who suffer with Avoidant Personality Disorder frequently use manipulation to get their needs met. Perfectionism; nothing is good enough, the standard is set unrealistically high for themselves and often for others.
Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them.
Dismissive/Avoidant - Avoidant attachment is typically exhibited by a rejection of intimacy and independence, however, their independence is more to avoid dependence on others rather than feeling secure. This is often considered an unhealthy attachment style.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
They often dismiss the distress of the partner, and it is not uncommon for the love avoidant to have some of the traits and behaviors of the narcissist, particularly in the relationship. It will also be critical to make a decision as to the changes you need to see to continue working on the relationship.
Avoidant Attachment Style and Narcissism. There's a significant overlap between grandiose narcissism and avoidant attachment. However, people with avoidant attachment don't necessarily believe they are superior and entitled to special treatment and unconditional admiration.
Avoidant attachers may be prone to sabotaging their healthy relationships. Their mistrust of their partners' intentions, combined with their fear of intimacy, can sometimes lead to them subconsciously behave in a way that pushes their partners away.
But sadly, someone with an avoidant personality disorder, finds it very difficult to develop healthy relationships with boundaries. Individuals with this disorder also find it difficult to trust or express their deepest feelings for fear of abandonment, rejection, or loss.
Individuals with fearful-avoidant attachment push people away due to an intense fear of rejection. In this case, the act of pushing people away is done out of fear and not because of trying to maintain independence. They desperately want to feel connected but have a hard time trusting others.
Fearful avoidants sometimes test their partners by withdrawing. They want to see if you'll try to win them back and fight for them. If this is the case, reassure them that you care about them.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
When we look at some of the areas that people with an avoidant attachment style struggle in, it's easy to focus on extremes or exaggerate the way they interact with you. But your spouse can be avoidantly attached to you and still be a faithful, committed, reliable person in the marriage.
Secretive. Love Avoidant individuals usually maintain separate lives or activities they keep from their partners. They may not discuss what they do during this time away. These secrets may be hobbies, friendships, addictions, hiding money, or being unwilling to talk about complex topics.
People who are avoidant may feel uncomfortable with the vulnerability and intimacy required in close friendships. They may also struggle with asking for or giving emotional support. As a result, they may have few, if any, long-lasting friendships because friends feel like the relationship is one-sided.
Dismissive-Avoidant Emotional Abuse
Adults who have an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are more likely to instigate such abuse. Instead of desiring intimacy, they are so afraid of closeness that they avoid emotional connection with others. They'd rather not rely on others or be reliant on others.
Because of this emotional distancing, they tend to be less empathic toward people in need (Joireman, Needham, & Cummings, 2001; Wayment, 2006). Further, avoidant people tend to respond negatively to their partner's emotions because those emotions can signal that they need more attention and intimacy.
They listen to you.
For avoidants, getting close to a romantic partner—or anyone, for that matter—can be a scary thing. They tend to…well, avoid it. If your partner actively listens to you when you speak and is curious about you, it's a sign they're attached to you and they care deeply for you.
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment may be attracted to anxious partners because their pursuit and need for closeness reinforce the avoidant person's need for independence and self-reliance. Anxious and avoidant partners may also seek their partner's traits due to wanting those traits in themselves.
Individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style have high self-esteem and feel that relying or leaning on others is a vulnerability or weakness. People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style have a negative opinion of themselves but also have negative impressions of others.
The individual must be willing to be emotionally vulnerable as they are trying to make amends and seek forgiveness. They must be empathetic and able to prioritize the needs of the other person. According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...