They're generally not loyal to stay through the tough times and are likely to leave when you need them most (until they develop enjoyment in the sense of value and purpose that caregiving can provide, avoidants are more likely to leave when there are new children or when their partner has a serious illness, for example ...
Initiate the breakup & suppress negative emotions
To begin with, avoidant attachers are more likely to instigate a breakup, as they typically prefer to keep relationships on a surface level and avoid confrontations with their partners.
On top of that, their unnecessary fear causes them to lose emotional attachment with their partner. In short, they become different people altogether. Overall, love avoidants start to grow distant as soon as their relationship develops.
Yes. Some dismissive avoidants feel regret the break-up as soon as it happens, especially if they had formed some form of attachment. Some dismissive avoidants try to get back together right after the break-up and other's offer a friendship out of regret.
We have found that on average a fearful avoidant will not initiate a reconnection with you. However, there is a window of time where they do consider it and if you time it right you can get them to come back if that's what you want.
The avoidant, or the dismissive avoidant will avoid all things about their ex after a breakup (this usually happens during the no contact rule.) After enough of this avoidant behavior feelings slowly begin to bubble to the surface. This makes them want to suppress those feelings.
Yes, the dismissive avoidant misses you, but they miss you later on. In the beginning they're going to be relieved that they have their freedom. They can get their independence back and they get to go and do what they want to do without having to answer any questions to anybody.
So avoidants in fact feel a desire to leave because they may not be ready to confront and take responsibility for their own behaviour, although they will not normally recognise this is why they are pulling away - they will find another reason.
Whereas the avoidant is someone afraid of intimacy and emotional closeness and has a high need for independence and solitude. If your ex has an anxious attachment style, they likely moved on slower than an average person. Whereas if they have an avoidant one, they likely moved on faster than an average person.
At this point, you may be wondering: will an avoidant miss you? The thing is, when you're patient enough to give them a lot of time and space, they will initially get back to their everyday life. They will neither miss you nor demand time or attention from you.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.
Right away when you go no contact with a dismissive avoidant, if they were the one to break up with you or vice versa, they are going to feel some sort of relief. You have to remember, for the dismissive avoidant, they're taking a gamble by getting into a committed relationship with you.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Do avoidants ever come back? Yes, but let's clarify. Avoidants do sometimes cycle back around to those they have shut out, disappeared on, and ignored. However, just because they come back this doesn't mean this is a viable relationship.
Love Avoidants often are attracted to Love Addicts — people who are fixated with love. One characteristic of both attachment styles is the fear of authenticity and vulnerability within a relationship.
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
In short, yes, avoidants can feel guilt but it's often warped and used in ways that are unhealthy.
Every avoidant is different, but deactivation generally lasts anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Most fearful avoidants will reach out or begin responding again after 2 – 5 days because they want connection and feel happier in relationships.
People with an avoidant attachment style tend to cope with abandonment issues by not allowing people to get close to them, and not opening up and trusting others. They may be characteristically distant, private, or withdrawn.
Avoidant-attachment style personalities aren't emotionally mature enough to tell their partner the truth about how they feel, so they disappear when they become threatened with feeling vulnerable or close to someone.
For men who are emotionally avoidant, becoming cold-hearted after the breakup is more common in real life. They were always emotionally reclusive and introverted. Such men never show their emotions even during their relationship. After the relationship, has ended, their ex becomes a distant memory in their life.
Communicating with empathy, using “I” statements, and avoiding blaming and criticism are some of the ways to help avoidant partners feel safe enough to express their thoughts and feelings, as well as change their behaviors in time. “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.”
Texting infrequently or not at all is the default mode of existence for dismissive avoidants who value independence more than connection. They'll rarely make attempts to reach out. They don't have the same connection needs as people with other attachment styles.
The first reason a dismissive avoidant ex may come back to you is if the relationship ended on neutral or positive terms. People with this attachment style aren't big on processing difficult emotions because, often, they struggle with emotional intelligence.