Yes, you can forgive someone for cheating, but it's a difficult, lengthy, and personal journey that doesn't guarantee staying in the relationship; true forgiveness involves deep work, empathy, and rebuilding trust (or finding peace to move on), often requiring professional help and commitment from both partners to heal, which can take years.
Honestly, it's super hard for a relationship to go back to normal after cheating. Like, trust is broken, and it's a big deal to rebuild that. Some couples can make it work if they're both super committed to therapy and communication, but it's not easy.
Yes -- forgiveness is possible after repeated cheating, but it's conditional, emotionally costly, and distinct from reconciliation or staying in the relationship. The decision should be guided by clear criteria, realistic assessment of change, and self-preservation.
While the intensity of the hurt may diminish over time, for some, it may never completely vanish. However we're here to tell you that with time, self-reflection, and affair recovery therapy in Portland, OR, individuals can gradually learn to cope with the hurt and move forward with their lives.
Rebuilding Trust
Having acknowledged the importance of accepting responsibility for infidelity, the next critical phase in healing a relationship is rebuilding the broken trust. This process is often challenging and requires a dedicated, patient effort from both partners.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
Absolutely. Worth the work? Even more so, if both parties are open. It can seem too hard at the start of the process, as most things do, which is where support from a therapist is crucial.
DON'T, at least do your best not to ...
Betrayal trauma activates the brain's threat detection system in profoundly destabilizing ways. According to neuroscientific research, the brain responds to betrayal in a manner similar to how it responds to physical danger because, on a relational level, it poses a threat to survival.
Infidelity may not only have a destructive impact on the relationship, which may lead to separation or divorce, but may negatively affect the partners' overall emotional wellbeing, leading to enhanced depressive symptoms andlowered self-esteem [3].
Why? Because they've already crossed that line. Once someone knows they can get away with something—especially something as serious as cheating—they're more likely to try it again. Forgiveness doesn't change that; it just makes it easier for them to justify their behavior the next time around.
Are Cheaters Mentally Ill? No, cheaters are not necessarily mentally ill. Cheating is typically considered to be a behavior rather than a symptom of mental illness. While some individuals who engage in cheating may have underlying psychological issues, it is not accurate to classify all “cheaters” as mentally ill.
Establishing Open Communication. Perhaps the most important part of healing a relationship after cheating is to maintain a healthy relationship through open and honest communication with your partner. Be open to letting them know where you are, who you are with etc., until a foundation of trust can begin to reform.
The 7-7-7 rule for couples is a guideline for maintaining strong connection by scheduling dedicated time: a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway (or night away) every 7 weeks, and a longer, kid-free vacation every 7 months, all designed to fight drift and routine by ensuring consistent, intentional quality time, though flexibility is key.
The publication found that 60-75% of couples remained together after infidelity. The reasons for sticking together were not always because of love but of uncertainty.
Do Cheaters Realize What They Lost? In the wake of a relationship torn apart by infidelity, many cheaters confront a profound sense of loss. This realization often surfaces once the immediate gratification of their actions fades, leaving behind a stark reflection of what was sacrificed.
Although not everyone experiences each stage and they can occur in any order, these stages are:
The "72-hour rule" after a breakup generally means implementing a period of no contact for at least three days (72 hours) to allow intense emotions to subside, enabling clearer thinking and a less impulsive reaction, whether that's reaching out or making big decisions. This time helps move you from shock into processing, calming the brain's emergency response, and setting a healthier foundation for recovery and deciding next steps, preventing you from acting solely from heartbreak.
Sometimes people cheat because they feel emotionally neglected or unappreciated in their current relationship, seeking validation or connection elsewhere. A lack of communication can also play a big role; if needs or issues aren't being addressed, infidelity can seem like an escape.
Let's first look at how infidelity changes you if you were betrayed. Your self-esteem and self-worth are shattered. You wonder why you weren't “good enough”…and why someone else was “better.” Because your self-esteem is destroyed, you start looking for ways that you caused your spouse to stray.
Your partner is still in contact with the object of their infidelity. Your partner doesn't seem to commit to your relationship. Your partner frequently lies. Your partner won't take responsibility and instead blames other people.
Phase 3: Second wave of anger after cheating
The memories of the betrayal, lying and cheating will flatten your feelings towards your husband or wife and create anger, frustration, anxiety and strong mental pain. You are furious because your spouse cheated on you and lied to you.
No cheater deserves reconciliation – not one. And if yours thinks he/she is entitled to it, run away. But if they are humble, honest and doing the work, you may decide it's worth the risk. But know the difference and know it is OK to forgive and choose not to reconcile.
Rebuilding trust is possible. It does take a lot of work, and both partners have to be committed to healing the relationship.
Does Being Cheated On Change You? Experiencing relationship betrayal can shake your sense of trust and security, leaving you feeling vulnerable and unsure of yourself. You may find yourself questioning your worth and value, wondering what you could have done differently to prevent the infidelity.