You can't love someone that you are trauma bonded to because they have used mirroring to build a falsified identity that is designed to fill a void in your life. The closeness, passion, and commitment that you feel for this person is actually towards an imposter, not an authentic lover.
Over time, trauma bonds can lead to codependency in both romantic relationships and in family systems. The essential feature of a trauma bond is that it is a response to intense negative experiences – the bond forms not just as a result of positive memories but as a reaction to intense trauma.
They may change their ways with your love and support. Unfortunately, transforming a trauma bond into a healthy attachment rarely happens, although it is possible to stop one from forming before it's too late. If you know that you are in a toxic relationship, seek help. It may seem difficult, even impossible.
While it may seem nearly impossible to exit a situation where a trauma bond is present, there is hope with the proper support and healthy boundaries. Individuals who find themselves in a toxic relationship can break a trauma bond and lead healthy lives with healthy relationships.
True love usually begins off slow and steady, where the chemistry is strong at first and gradually grows fainter over time. On the other hand, a trauma bond is characterised by an imbalance of power, high intensity, and an unpredictable atmosphere, rapidly shifting between periods of cruelty and tenderness.
You can break a trauma bond after a breakup by doing things such as educating yourself on the topic of trauma bonding, cutting off your abuser, engaging in new activities, making healthy relationships, and taking a break from dating.
Signs of trauma bonding
agree with the abusive person's reasons for treating them badly. try to cover for the abusive person. argue with or distance themselves from people trying to help, such as friends, family members, or neighbors.
Breaking a trauma bond starts with identifying the 7 stages of trauma bonding, which encompasses gaslighting, love bombing, emotional addiction, criticism, loss of self, trust and dependency, and resigning to control. It is important to understand how these stages develop in a toxic and abusive relationship.
Extreme highs and lows characterize a trauma bond. There are moments of intense fear followed by moments of intense connection. In love, there is much more connection than there is fear. The relationship is more or less stable.
A study among 150 survivors of trauma bonded romantic relationships and 150 survivors of trauma bonded relationships among family members revealed that the average duration of the trauma bond for those bonded to a romantic partner was 5.5 years and for those bonded to a family member it was 12.2 years.
Trauma bonding is a bond that develops when two people undergo intense, risky emotional experiences together. In the context of an abusive relationship, this bond is strengthened due to the heightenedintimacy and danger.
Trauma bonding is a human emotional response, not a character flaw, and it can occur within abusive cycles to anyone. Disclosing your experience may provide you with a sense of relief once you see how empathetic those around you are about it.
Narcissists do feel the trauma bond, but not in the same way that the people that they abuse feel it. A trauma bond makes narcissists feel remarkably well because the dynamics of a trauma bonded relationship are designed to help them regulate the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions that they've suppressed.
The term 'trauma bond' is also known as Stockholm Syndrome. It describes a deep bond which forms between a victim and their abuser. Victims of abuse often develop a strong sense of loyalty towards their abuser, despite the fact that the bond is damaging to them.
Breaking a trauma bond comes with intense withdrawal symptoms, flashbacks, cravings for the toxic person, compulsive thoughts about what happened, and an anxious state that may make you feel like you are going backward, without abate.
Trauma Bonds Create Chemical Warfare in our Brains
Reuniting and the love-bombing that follows then floods our systems with dopamine. Dopamine and oxytocin together strengthen our bond even more and ease our fear and anxiety. We feel loved. We feel safe.
In a trauma bond, you might: justify abusive behavior, for example: “they're only yelling at me because they are tired” cover for your abuser. tolerate abuse to please them.
In practice, trauma bonding looks like a compulsive cycle of wanting to please your partner to avoid setting them off, followed by an incident of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, and then a honeymoon period where all seems well again.
Disruption to, and trauma in attachment bonds during infancy and childhood can set the foundation for toxic unhealthy relationships. At the core, childhood trauma impacts our interpersonal relationships, mental health and personality.
In order to heal and find trauma resolution, a person must be able and willing to see how their compulsive behavior only aids in forming trauma bonds and therefore they must break the compulsivity. Codependency on the other hand, focuses more on the addiction.
Trauma bonds can be repaired. As long as both parties are aware of the unhealthy dynamic and want to change it by taking ownership of their piece. This is where the work comes in.