Although it is not done with malice, unconscious gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It can still lead to negative consequences, and the victim may end up harmed in the process. People who engage in unintentional gaslighting are unaware of their actions.
While not always the case, self-gaslighting can stem from past experiences of abuse. Most often, self-gaslighting is the result of being gaslit by someone else. Other causes of self-gaslighting can be attributed to digital self-harm, which can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy.
However, sometimes gaslighting behavior can be unconsciously motivated by our ego or desire for power or control. And it can create a sense of cognitive dissonance in that the abuser is getting the results they want but may not be fully aware of the damage they are inflicting on others.
Being gaslighted can eventually make someone become a self-gaslighter. Questioning the reality of one's wounds can generalize to questioning everything about oneself.
But there are also cases where gaslighters act in a way that makes people question their version of reality that affects their self-esteem and disempowers them, even if it wasn't the intention. Without being aware of it, you could potentially gaslight others and not even know.
In my experience, those who engage in self-gaslighting often do so due to an internal self-doubt that was instilled from childhood. Growing up in environments where our feelings were challenged, denied, or even ridiculed will often result in an adult who questions their own feelings and reality.
But when that self-doubt is related to painful or distressing experiences and you end up feeling responsible for the things that have happened to you, you may be dealing with something more serious: self-gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
Gaslighting in Abuse Relationships
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
In other words, if someone gaslights you, it does not necessarily mean they are narcissistic. It can happen unintentionally or from a place of wanting to be right, rather than wanting to control another person.
A gaslighter believes their own lies and is insistent upon them which makes the person question themselves.
Many people see gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse. If you find yourself questioning your reality, feeling a heightened level of anxiety, and always apologizing, you just may be a victime of this. This can lead you to question your worth and have trouble making decisions. Trust your gut if something feels wrong.
I think it's safe to say that even some people with ADHD can be intentionally gaslighting — and perhaps intentionally target other people with ADHD. After all, who would believe these “confused” women with ADHD?
Shadow gaslighting is a term used to describe the act of using “indirect” tactics to manipulate and discredit a target. It typically involves the gaslighter trying to sow doubts about what's going on in someone else's life, by convincing them that their own perception of reality is warped.
Anyone with OCD is vulnerable to self-gaslighting. We don't trust ourselves at the best of times. Eight years on from that day at school, I'd begun doing far more than just magical thinking.
Gaslighters are blamers, using lines like, “You made me do it” or “I did it because you wouldn't listen to me.” They may accuse you of having issues or needs that they actually have, such as suggesting you're not being honest with yourself. They may find ways to take credit for your accomplishments.
If someone says, "You know I only do it because I love you," or, "Believe me, this is for the best," when doing something you perceive as abusive, controlling, or wrong, they are probably gaslighting you.
Gaslighting is a type of abuse that causes someone to doubt their perceptions or sanity. It can take place in any kind of relationship but often involves an imbalance of power. People who experience gaslighting may feel confused or as though they cannot do anything right.
White lies, or something small told in an attempt to avoid hurting someone's feelings, can also be unintentional gaslighting. An example of this is when someone says something like, “oh, the party was boring, you didn't miss anything” to someone who was not invited.
One main way people gaslight is by shifting blame to another person in order to avoid accountability, which is also known as deflection. For example, Spinelli says a gaslighting parent might blame their child for their own mistakes, or an abusive partner could somehow blame the victim for the abuse.
What Is A Gaslight Apology? A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.