Betrayal can occur intentionally or unintentionally; it is an assault on human dignity and brings with it painful disappointment and dis- couragement.
The first is excessive ambition, greed, lust or passion. When a person cannot control is overcome with these vices, he's liable to betray. A drug addict will betray the trust placed on him because his addiction is overpowering. It is greater than any sense of loyalty, integrity or honesty he may have.
Most people who have betrayed someone they love feel plagued by feelings of guilt, sadness, shame, or remorse.
The effects of betrayal include shock, loss and grief, morbid pre-occupation, damaged self-esteem, self-doubting, anger. Not infrequently they produce life-altering changes.
Infidelity is the betrayal our society focuses on, but it is actually the subtle, unnoticed betrayals that truly ruin relationships. When partners do not choose each other day after day, trust and commitment erode away.
Recovering from betrayal trauma is not something that can be done in a day or two. On average, it usually takes between eighteen months to three years to absolutely recover, especially with a lot of help and moral support.
“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies, it comes from those you trust the most.” - Author unknown.
How we deal with those mistakes is what we can use to show our partners just how much we care about them. So yes, you can love your partner and betray them. Or be loved and feel betrayed.
What makes betrayal so painful is that it is not an act committed by your worst enemies, but it is an act that has been carried out by those you love and trust the most. Many often use the expression “I've been stabbed in the back” to describe an act of betrayal, and it couldn't be closer to the truth.
Indeed, all forms of betrayal and hurting others have a common fundamental motivation: to gain a momentary feeling of empowerment from the adrenaline rush of violating deeper values, like respecting the boundaries and caring about the emotional well-being of loved ones.
A sense of betrayal can occur in a range of situations. In most security relevant contexts, betrayal is intentional. In some situations, however, a 'betrayer' may not realise that their actions will be perceived by the 'betrayed' as betrayal.
A betrayed person may experience:
Hypervigilance or feelings that nothing is safe. A sense of inadequacy or embarrassment. Shame or self-blame. Decreased self-esteem.
Some types of betrayal in romantic relationships include sexual infidelity, conditional commitment, a nonsexual affair, lying, forming a coalition against the partner, absenteeism or coldness, withdrawal of sexual interest, disrespect, unfairness, selfishness, and breaking promises.
In truth, betrayal is one of our worst fears. Betrayals can occur within families, in the workplace, among friends, and in the most sacred space of marriage. All betrayals are difficult to come to terms with, yet betrayal within the confines of an intimate relationship can feel like the worst violation of all.
Someone you knew, cared about, and trusted, lied, cheated, and violated these social norms, leaving you in a puddle of disbelief and shattering your trust. Can you ever trust again? In some ways, the answer is no, you cannot trust the same as you used to before the betrayal.
Talking down your partner is the last thing you should do if you want a healthy and long-lasting relationship. It is worse than cheating because it not only damages your relationship but ruins your partner's self-esteem.
Betrayal in personal relationships refers to the violation of your trust by someone close to you. The betrayal could be your partner's infidelity or it could be your best friend's dropping you for a new friend. You might also feel betrayed if your significant other didn't defend you in an argument with others.
MD. Betrayal trauma is a type of trauma that refers to the pain and emotional distress that occurs when a trusted institution, loved one, or intimate partner violates someone's trust. Betrayal trauma may occur alongside things like gaslighting and lead to anxiety and depression.
From Freyd (2008): Betrayal trauma occurs when the people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violate that person' s trust or well-being: Childhood physical, emotional, or sexual abuse perpetrated by a caregiver are examples of betrayal trauma.