If you're in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, it's important to understand that this isn't something they can turn back on at will. Emotional unavailability can be managed, but it often requires the person to acknowledge this blockage and seek help.
You may feel lonely, emotionally deprived in the relationship, to the point of having thoughts of ending it. That is understandable. However, just because someone is currently emotionally unavailable does not mean you need to end the relationship.
Dating someone emotionally unavailable can be a difficult, frustrating, and ultimately painful experience. It may feel like you're always trying to reach a goal that keeps moving further away. You may wonder if there's something wrong with you if someone who claims to love you keeps you at arm's length.
Waiting Can Make You Unavailable to Others
It's also important to consider that waiting for your partner could prevent you from pursuing other people. If they're emotionally unavailable, they may not be able to provide you with the commitment and support you're seeking.
He likes taking you to events
One of the clear signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you is when he begins to invite you to various events. You will meet his friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and the likes at these events. He will introduce you to them because you're not an ordinary person in his life.
They Choose Physical Intimacy Over Emotional Intimacy
Emotionally unavailable partners often choose physical intimacy over emotional intimacy so as to not have to deal with the messiness, seriousness, or complications that emotions can bring into a relationship.
Consider how his emotional unavailability affects your emotional health – then explain this to him. Be honest and clear about what you want from the relationship and how you would like him to show up for you. If he seems receptive, try to use this as a lead to a deeper discussion of his issues.
Anxiety is about fear, and fear is one of the root causes of an emotionally unavailability: fear of intimacy, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of being hurt, fear of being judged, irrational fear of death and/or fear of being exposed as less than who they portray themselves to be.
Stonewalling is when a person in a relationship withdraws from an interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner. Rather than confronting the issue, people who stonewall resort to evasive maneuvers.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
Disconnect: We often feel disconnected from ourselves. Hence, we are not able to know the worth and the needs we have. that's why we keep going for emotionally unavailable partners because we do not feel that our needs are important.
Another potential reason for choosing emotionally unavailable partners is because we're afraid of getting hurt. If we choose a partner that always remains at arm's length emotionally, we think we can protect ourselves from the pain of abandonment or betrayal.
If they change the subject when you try and talk about your feelings, or if they become withdrawn, frustrated, or even annoyed, these are signs they are emotionally unavailable. Healthy relationships involve vulnerability and having someone willing to listen to you and help you through tough times.
There are many reasons why emotionally unavailable people ghost partners. A benign motive for emotional neglect might be that the person is preoccupied with personal struggles in their own life, and doesn't have the capacity to give their partner the emotional support they need.
Emotionally unavailable people can be extremely confusing. "They may come on strong then become distant. They may say they like you, want to spend time with you, or that they can see a future with you –– but 'can't commit to anything right now,'" says Zarrabi.
One of the possible reasons why a man can turn emotionally unavailable is because of past hurts. When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, there is a possibility that this could trigger an old trauma or hurt. Instead of him opening up or realizing, he might feel you're doing the same thing again.
Physical touch is a huge indicator of love and attraction!
He might not be touchy-feely; emotionally unavailable men aren't big fans of PDA, and that probably won't change right away when he falls in love. Still, he'll initiate physical closeness to show you that he has feelings for you.
Despite not committing to a relationship with you, the emotionally unavailable partner may still express that they don't trust you, as being emotionally unavailable often stems from a fear of getting hurt and this is their way of projecting that off of themselves and onto you.
You satisfy your longing for connection along with your need to protect yourself. Remaining fixated on someone who doesn't show genuine love for you allows you to feel the intensity and passion involved in a relationship without eventual commitment.
According to couples therapist Dr. John Gottman, the Four Horsemen, behavioral predictors of divorce or break-up, are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Their destructive nature earned them the name and reference to christian religion: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in relationships. It happens when one person convinces their target that they're remembering things wrong or that they're misinterpreting events. The gaslighter is trying to manipulate the other person and presents their own thoughts and feelings as the truth.
The critic, the stonewaller, the narcissist, and more.
Examples of people who bring toxicity to relationships include those who are narcissists, passive-aggressive, or overly critical.
Infidelity is the betrayal our society focuses on, but it is actually the subtle, unnoticed betrayals that truly ruin relationships. When partners do not choose each other day after day, trust and commitment erode away.