Many people who behave in a toxic manner have been through trauma themselves, and instead of dealing with that trauma, these people start exhibiting toxic traits. These people usually don't know how to process trauma and stress in a healthy manner, so they end up being unpleasant around people.
In some cases, toxic behavior may also be a result of a traumatic experience or abuse in childhood. Children who are exposed to abuse or neglect are more likely to engage in toxic behavior as adults, as they have not learned healthy coping strategies or boundaries.
One study found that being overprotected, pampered, or praised excessively in childhood can be associated with more narcissistic personality traits and feelings of entitlement. On the other hand, some people with toxic traits may behave poorly because of past trauma, a dysfunctional family life, or substance use.
A toxic person is deft at deflecting blame or responsibility. A toxic person can prey on both the goodwill or fear of others. A toxic person is adept at “gaslighting,” making someone else feel they are dysfunctional.
Trauma bonding is an unhealthy attachment to someone who causes you physical, emotional, and/or sexual harm. Trauma bonding tends to form subtly and slowly, often without an abused person ever realizing it.
People with toxic traits know they have them
But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
Toxic people have harmful behaviors that can have lasting impacts on those around them. They are often self-centered, manipulative, abusive, and lacking in empathy. They may be referred to as narcissistic, selfish, or sociopathic.
Toxic people are typically less concerned with others' well-being than they are with their own agenda. In some cases, they might also lack self-control. So, even if they do want to show others respect, they might fail to do so. This forces friends and partners to grapple with the emotional toll of a toxic relationship.
The effects of exposure to trauma in childhood have repeatedly been linked to the development of maladaptive personality traits and personality disorders [1,2,3,4]. In contrast, much less is known about personality related problems that may arise in adulthood.
Hyperarousal – feeling very anxious, on edge and unable to relax. You might be constantly looking out for threats or danger. To find out more, see our information on anxiety. Sleep problems – you might find it hard to fall or stay asleep, feel unsafe at night, or feel anxious or afraid of having nightmares.
They'll manipulate.
Toxic people have a way of sending out the vibe that you owe them something. They also have a way of taking from you or doing something that hurts you, then maintaining they were doing it all for you. This is particularly common in workplaces or relationships where the balance of power is out.
If you've addressed toxic behavior with the person exhibiting it and they have taken it to heart, it's possible for toxic people to change. “Toxic people can absolutely change,” Kennedy says, “however they must see their part in the problem before they are likely to find the motivation to do so.”
Toxicity is not considered a mental disorder but some mental disorders can be the underlying cause of toxic behavior, like borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, or bipolar disorder.
This doesn't mean you have to interact with them, but people aren't born “toxic” and generally get that way from observing such behavior in the home as a child or experiencing abuse.
A toxic person is someone whose causes harm to other people through their behavior consistently, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Common toxic behaviors include emotional manipulation, lying, gaslighting, lack of empathy, and more.
6. Loss of Self. Throughout the stages of a trauma bond, there is a progressive loss of self, which brings tremendous pain and a disconnection from the world we once knew. People who leave abusive relationships may not seem like their usual selves due to a loss of their own identity and personal boundaries.
You can break a trauma bond after a breakup by doing things such as educating yourself on the topic of trauma bonding, cutting off your abuser, engaging in new activities, making healthy relationships, and taking a break from dating.
A trauma bond is usually formed when two people have faced a difficult situation together and have grown to depend on each other for emotional support. This type of bond can last for months or even years, depending on the intensity of the trauma experienced and the level of emotional attachment between the individuals.
One way to determine whether you're in a healthy relationship or a trauma bond is to focus on how your relationship consistently makes you feel. A healthy relationship makes you feel supported, secure, and confident, while a trauma bond makes you feel fearful, anxious, or put down.
Signs of Trauma Bonding
You deny the abuse and justify it as being your fault, you may believe you deserve it. You feel a powerful bond that stops you from seeing the person's actual behaviour. You make excuses for your partner's behaviour. You do not believe the threats; e.g. you think they're just venting.
If you feel you can't be yourself around your partner, friend, or family member, it could be a sign of trauma bonding. This can include not being willing to share your feelings, opinions, or thoughts. You may also find that you start to match their thinking either to please them or to prevent them from getting angry.