Yes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can severely damage or even destroy a marriage if left unmanaged, due to increased conflict, emotional numbness, intimacy issues, communication breakdowns, and potential for substance misuse or violence, though specialized therapy offers hope for recovery and strengthening the bond. Symptoms like hyperarousal, avoidance, and emotional detachment strain the partnership, making partners feel isolated and frustrated, but understanding trauma-informed couples therapy can help both navigate triggers and rebuild connection.
Effects on marriage
Compared to Veterans without PTSD, Veterans with PTSD have more marital troubles. They share less of their thoughts and feelings with their partners. They and their spouses also report more worry around intimacy issues. Sexual problems tend to be higher in combat Veterans with PTSD.
While many factors contribute, many experts point to poor communication (especially criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and a breakdown in emotional connection/trust, often stemming from dishonesty or disrespect, as the #1 things that destroy marriages, eroding intimacy and making partners feel unheard and unloved over time. Infidelity, financial stress, and shifting priorities (like putting family/in-laws above spouse) are also major contributors that feed these core issues.
PTSD can have a devastating impact on a marriage, but with the right support and resources, it is possible to overcome these challenges. Couples counseling can help both partners understand each other's needs and work together to improve communication, intimacy, and trust.
The 777 rule for marriage is a relationship guideline to keep couples connected by scheduling specific, regular quality time: a date night every 7 days, a night away (getaway) every 7 weeks, and a romantic holiday every 7 months, often without kids, to foster intimacy, reduce stress, and prevent routine from overtaking the relationship. It's about consistent, intentional efforts to prioritize the partnership.
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
PTSD may impact a variety of sexual outcomes,13 including sexual desire, function (e.g., sexual arousal, orgasm), genito-pelvic pain, sexual satisfaction sexual distress, and frequency of sexual activity. Furthermore, sexual difficulties may not remit with PTSD treatment.
Years 5–8: Very Risky
Here are the reasons why this phase represents some of the hardest years of marriage: Small children need a lot of care and attention, and juggling between housekeeping and work becomes a very tough task, leading to differences and resentment.
Loving someone with PTSD often means navigating through moments of emotional disconnect, unpredictable behaviour, and sometimes feeling helpless or shut out. The partner without PTSD may feel like they're walking on eggshells — afraid to trigger an episode or unintentionally cause distress.
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Emotional distance
As communication deteriorates, spouses may start to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. This emotional disconnection can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding, making each partner feel isolated and alone, which is a major factor in things that kill a marriage.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
The 70/30 rule in relationships suggests balancing time together (70%) with personal time apart (30%) for hobbies, friends, and self-growth, promoting independence and preventing codependency, while another view says it's about accepting 70% of your partner as "the one" and learning to live with the other 30% of quirks, requiring effort to manage major issues within that space, not a pass for abuse. Both interpretations emphasize finding a sustainable balance and acknowledging that relationships aren't always 50/50, with the key being communication and effort, not strict adherence to numbers.
Trauma survivors with PTSD may have trouble with their close family relationships or friendships. The symptoms of PTSD can cause problems with trust, closeness, communication, and problem solving. These problems may affect the way the survivor acts with others.
The 10 Worst Things to Do to Someone with PTSD
Some of the common signs of a marriage not working and heading for divorce are: A lack of communication. A lack of intimacy. A disregard for one another's feelings.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
The Misery Stage is where many couples find themselves considering a marriage separation or divorce. When children are involved this 3rd Stage of Misery is particularly difficult on them.
Individuals with PTSD may internalize feelings of shame or guilt, leading them to believe they are unworthy of love or incapable of forming healthy connections. These beliefs can create a barrier, causing them to withdraw or push loved ones away in fear of being hurt or disappointing them.
The symptoms of complex PTSD are similar to symptoms of PTSD, but may also include:
They may be impulsive, acting before they think. Aggressive behaviors also include complaining, "backstabbing," being late or doing a poor job on purpose, self-blame, or even self-injury. Many people with PTSD only use aggressive responses to threat.
The 777 rule for marriage is a relationship guideline to keep couples connected by scheduling specific, regular quality time: a date night every 7 days, a night away (getaway) every 7 weeks, and a romantic holiday every 7 months, often without kids, to foster intimacy, reduce stress, and prevent routine from overtaking the relationship. It's about consistent, intentional efforts to prioritize the partnership.
Unresolved Issues From Your First Marriage: One of the primary reasons for the high second-marriage divorce rate is the emotional baggage that individuals bring from their first marriages. Trust issues, unresolved conflicts, and emotional scars can all impact the stability of a second marriage.
The 3-day rule after an argument is a guideline designed to help couples work through an argument in the healthiest way possible. By giving your partner time and space to breathe, it's easier to resolve any underlying issues before they have the chance to blow up into something more.