Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that can cause a person to become anxious and confused and question their own feelings, judgements, and memories.
Mental health professionals describe gaslighting as an extremely manipulative form of emotional abuse that causes a person to question their memories, feelings, instincts, and sanity. This gives the abusive partner a lot of power and control over the other person, which is exactly what they want.
Losing spots in your memory makes it very plausible when someone tells you that they cannot trust your memory. It makes it very plausible when they tell you that you are abusive. But, it is normal to lose your memory when you are being gaslighted. In fact, it is one of the signs that you should look for.
The long-term effects of gaslighting may include anxiety, depression, trauma, and low self-esteem.
Over time, it can also cause more severe problems to the person being gaslighted, including depression, PTSD, feelings of helplessness and a condition called brain fog where people are unable to make decisions. These may continue even if the person is no longer in that particular gaslighting relationship.
Like other forms of psychological abuse, gaslighting can affect you even after you've cut ties from the person responsible. In fact, there are even a few long-term effects of gaslighting, from anxiety and depression to increased feelings of self-doubt and even PTSD. That being said, recovery is possible.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and thought manipulation, with the aim of planting doubts in the mind of a person or a group of people, to make them question their own memory and perception of reality.
People might gaslight others because of negative childhood experiences, a need to be in control, or due to a personality disorder like NPD. Regardless of the cause, all people who gaslight (not only those who show narcissistic behavior or with NPD) do so in effort to gain power.
The personality of a gaslighter commonly involves a need to have control over others, a feeling of superiority, and a disregard for others and their feelings. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder often use gaslighting tactics.
In many instances, gaslighting is done by a person who has developed an inflated opinion of themself. For many who do it, the reason is to assert dominance over another person. In doing it, they're making the other person feel lesser about themself, giving the gaslighter the appearance of power.
Signs of gaslighting
They may trust the abusive person or believe that they truly do have a poor memory. However, if a person often feels unsure, second-guesses themselves, or relies on someone else to confirm their memories or help them make simple decisions, this may be due to gaslighting.
Signs of gaslighting
D., the signs of being a victim of gaslighting include: You constantly second-guess yourself. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day. You often feel confused and even crazy.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
You might be a victim of narcissist gaslighting. This is a type of manipulation that is often used by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It can make you feel like you're going crazy and leave you feeling isolated and alone.
It is a covert type of emotional abuse in which the bully or abuser misleads the target, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality.1 Ultimately, the victim of gaslighting starts to feel unsure about their perceptions of the world and even wonder if they are losing their sanity.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.
10 Signs & Red Flags You're Being Gaslighted. If you recognize these signs in your relationships, you may be the victim of gaslighting; they include denial, minimization, blame-shifting, isolation, withholding, causing confusion or doubt, criticism, projection, narcissism, and love bombing.
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia. Gaslighting is an aspect of coercive control, which is set to be outlawed in NSW and QLD, with other states likely to follow suit.
A gaslighter believes their own lies and is insistent upon them which makes the person question themselves.
Deliberate gaslighters
And some people or entities that gaslight do, in fact, realize they are doing it: It is a strategy they have studied—and their sources may surprise you.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.
Gaslighting can lead to increased anxiety and depression, says Stern. “Gaslighting may not be the only factor leading to mental illness but the same factors that leave a person vulnerable to gaslighting may result in lower self-esteem, uncertainty about their own reality, anxiety, and ultimately depression,” she says.