A trauma bond is the type of emotional attachment that forms between abusers and victims, such as narcissistic parents and children. Trauma bonds are forged over time as a narcissistic parent trains a child to respond in particular ways to feed their ego and narcissistic needs.
Being bonded can allow moms and daughters to come together to heal from hurt and trauma; they can support and empower each other in truly inspiring ways.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.
Breaking a trauma bond starts with identifying the 7 stages of trauma bonding, which encompasses gaslighting, love bombing, emotional addiction, criticism, loss of self, trust and dependency, and resigning to control.
Trauma Bonds Create Chemical Warfare in our Brains
Reuniting and the love-bombing that follows then floods our systems with dopamine. Dopamine and oxytocin together strengthen our bond even more and ease our fear and anxiety. We feel loved. We feel safe.
A person may develop a trauma bond because they rely on the abusive person to fulfill emotional needs. For example, a child relies on their parent or caregiver for love and support. If that caregiver is abusive, the child may come to associate love with abuse.
Trauma bonding is a psychological addiction to a narcissistic abusive person. A trauma bond develops after intermittent positive reinforcement by narcissists to manipulate their victims. The victims get addicted and stuck in the abusive relationship hoping for the next approval and validation from the narcissist.
Narcissistic parenting leaves you alone-and unable to trust. So later in life, you might experience emotional flashbacks and get triggered into intense feelings of anger, fear, shame and helpless depression.
But trauma bonding is more like an entanglement that keeps you in a dysfunctional relationship. A trauma bond can reduce your self-esteem and lead to unwanted mental health issues. That's why it's important to identify whether you're in this type of relationship and if so, take steps to break this bond.
Trauma bonding happens when an abuser uses manipulation tactics and cycles of abuse to make the victim feel dependent on them for care and validation, causing a strong attachment or bond. This often occurs in romantic narcissistic relationships, but can also occur in families, friendships, or work relationships.
Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma
Lack of trust and difficulty opening up to other people6. Dissociation and a persistent feeling of numbness7. Control issues, to overcompensate for feeling helpless during the traumatic incident8. Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness9.
There is no set time for how long it takes to heal from a trauma bond, as each person is different. Some people may find that it takes months, or even years, to overcome the effects of being in a trauma bonded relationship. You can begin the healing process by cutting off contact and seeking therapy.
Who Is Most Vulnerable to Trauma Bonding. People who have a childhood history of abuse — physical, emotional, sexual, or neglect — are most vulnerable. Growing up in a volatile, neglectful, or abusive home can make this type of behavior seem normal or feel familiar.
You may experience feelings of confusion, anxiety, shame, guilt, frequent crying, over-compliance, powerlessness, and more. You may stay in the relationship and try to bargain with the abuser or try to change the abuser's behavior, often placing blame on yourself, even though you are not at fault.
This abuse can be psychological, financial, physical, verbal, and even spiritual, and can also be unintentional or intentional. Victims of trauma bonding often develop an unexplainable sense of compassion and loyalty to their abuser despite the narcissistic abuse being harmful to their wellbeing.
However, you should know that not every person who is abused will develop a trauma bond and each experience is unique and different. The trauma bond can happen fairly quickly within days or weeks or take more time such as over the course of several months.
Narcissists do feel the trauma bond, but not in the same way that the people that they abuse feel it. A trauma bond makes narcissists feel remarkably well because the dynamics of a trauma bonded relationship are designed to help them regulate the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions that they've suppressed.
Trauma bonds are hard to break because the cycle of abuse that causes them floods the victim's brain with dopamine, causing them to develop an addiction for the relationship and because abusers often victimize themselves to make the victim doubtful, guilty, and ashamed for attempting to break the trauma bond.