A narcissist is never surprised when someone leaves them. They are expecting it all along. They are always on the lookout for people who will eventually leave them, so they can feel justified in their own self-pitying world.
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
After this has gone on for an extended period of time, they become convinced that they are 100% in control of you. That you will not do anything unless they pull your strings. - Thus, when you leave them, ask them for a divorce, or abandon them, they are totally shocked.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
They will have a violent, excessive, and disorderly reaction to the rejection. In a nutshell, they want and will try to create a scene. Simply put, narcissists hate being ignored. They probably want to make you feel ashamed, regretful, and rattled.
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to ignore them. By doing this, you take away their power and control. Narcissists thrive on attention and need constant validation. If you can learn to ignore them, they will eventually get the message that you're not going to put up with their behavior and move on.
They are likely to give you the fight of your life because they're not done with you yet. Narcissists hate losing their supply of attention, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about.
They Will Experience a Narcissistic Injury and Go Into a Narcissistic Rage. If a narcissist were to realize that they no longer have control over you, it could cause them to experience a narcissistic injury and fly into a narcissistic rage.
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
But here is the rub: Over time, the narcissist usually senses that you are pulling away, and it is then that your problems take on a different form. Narcissists hate feeling that they might be rejected or that you might conclude that they are defective. So, they go into compensation mode by turning the tables.
You should know that narcissists won't go down without a fight when they see you have moved on. Some of the things a narcissist will do to show you that they won't affect defeat are: Badmouthing you or your partner to other people. Playing the victim.
Beware of narcissists trying to lure you back with hoovering. Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else. It isn't guilt they feel, so much as regret (or even anger) that things happened the way they did. But any “remorse” they feel is likely to be about how that behavior affected them rather than how it affected the victim.
Punchline: People with narcissistic personality disorder can seem to have memory problems. They may have trouble remembering the past or the big picture when they are feeling strong emotions in the present.
Interestingly, the narcissist doesn't just fear to lose you because you make their world go round. They fear to lose you because you also make their world look good.
Narcissistic collapse often results in extreme, negative projection. Narcissistic projection is a defense mechanism that helps narcissists protect their ego and self-concept by attributing their negative traits to someone else. Subsequently, they may turn their self-hatred or rage onto other people.
Once the narcissist realizes you're not coming back, the panic sets in. Now they regret what's been abandoned, lost, and destroyed. This was their fault and you both know it. But now they carry the weight of that guilt.
People with high levels of narcissistic admiration experienced less anxiety and sadness after a breakup and maintained positive perceptions of their exes. They were also more likely to initiate a breakup and attribute it to their lack of interest in their ex.
Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don't form memories in the same way the rest of us do. For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on.
In some cases, the no contact effect on a narcissist makes them feel that they're under attack. In other cases, they'll quickly move on, believing they cut you off because you no longer serve them. Alternatively, they charm you so much that you start to doubt your decision.