Toxic people are often insecure people. They tend to make themselves feel or seem better than others by talking badly about them rather than taking concrete actions to develop their skills. Toxic people feel entitled to judge others, their actions, decisions, and lifestyles.
Insecure people have excessive control over their partners, friends, and family. It causes them to feel overly responsible for everything that happens to those people. This makes it so they're always hyper-vigilant, looking at every detail.
What is toxic insecurity? It is the emotional insecurity that drives our faulty thought processes about others. We have talked about it in the form of anxious and avoidant attachment styles for a long time.
Being overly critical of yourself and other people. Trying to portray yourself as overly confident to mask how you really feel. Perfectionism to the point of never being satisfied. Strong desire to be alone and avoid social situations.
Insecurity is good to some extent because it makes you work harder in the relationship and value your partner more. If there's too much insecurity though, it can create a toxic atmosphere in the relationship and can wreak havoc on your confidence. It can even separate partners who love and care for each other.
A person who feels insecure may suffer from an inferiority complex, which makes them believe they will never be good enough to be loved or wanted. Others may exhibit controlling or manipulative behavior.
“Some of the most common insecurities and relationships include emotional insecurity, attachment insecurity, physical insecurity, financial insecurity, professional insecurity, and social insecurity,” explains LaTonya P.
“Talking too much, or not talking at all, is a telltale sign of insecurity,” says Wood. “Insecure people are self-focused rather than connection-focused, so they don't pick on normal conversational cues.
People with insecure or anxious attachment styles may also experience jealousy in their relationships. For example, you might view other people as a threat to your relationship, or worry excessively about your partner's feelings for you.
Insecure people need to become conscious of these vulnerabilities so they can change them. Insecure people spend lots of time trying to make others happy or preventing their unhappiness. Instead they need to allow others to be accountable for themselves and take ownership over their own happiness.
While clingy tendencies may have been “ok” in your previous relationship, being overly needy is generally considered a toxic dating habit.
One of the best ways to conquer insecure feelings is to become a more confident person. That might seem tough, but once you've changed your mindset, you are already well on your way! Make sure to ease up on yourself and treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
The fear of being socially judged is one of the most common forms of insecurity. Some people feel self-conscious, anxious, and fearful when in front of others. It doesn't matter whether it's a group of colleagues or family members. This can extend to even the smallest of social encounters like a date.
What Causes Insecurities? Insecurities are related to standards set by the people we interact with, such as our family, friends, and peers, and societal expectations that may be legitimate or perceived. Insecurities develop when we compare ourselves to others and feel less than.
Jealousy may be driven by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don't feel attractive and confident, it can be hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. Other times, jealousy can be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
Perhaps the most fundamental difference is that arrogance often masks insecurity. That's why arrogant people are boastful about their achievements and abilities while tending to demean others. Confidence, on the other hand, stems from true self-worth: a belief and pride in your achievements and abilities.
Our insecurities can get the better of us, but that's entirely normal. We're all humans and we are wired to notice what doesn't go well or what isn't working more than what is. Your inner critic comes out of nowhere and does some damage to your self-confidence.
Insecurity may come from your attachment style, a personality disorder, living with anxiety, or not having emotional support. Working with a mental health professional can help as well as working on embracing your differences and developing specific skills like non-verbal and verbal communication.
Shyness is an emotion that affects how a person feels and behaves around others. Shyness can mean feeling uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid, or insecure. People who feel shy sometimes notice physical sensations like blushing or feeling speechless, shaky, or breathless.
The study also found that the younger the generation bracket, the earlier the insecurities. While the average American recalls those feelings first striking around age 13 or 14, it's actually the teens who are currently aged 13 to 17 who recall feeling anxiety about their looks around age nine or 10.
Insecure people often use criticism of others as a way to feel better about themselves. See, people who are insecure consistently feel bad about themselves. And often, they don't know how to feel better in a healthy or productive way. So they often resort to criticizing others.
1. BEAUTY. Beauty is by far the biggest insecurity women report. We can be our own harshest critic and therefore we can struggle emotionally to just feel “good enough.” If treatments like Botox/fillers or using your top contouring skills make you feel your best, by all means, go for it.
A person who looks in the mirror and suffers to do it, is beautifully insecure. Yet, people who rarely look in the mirror and who are indifferent to their impact on others because they believe they are perfect in the relationship, may be insecure in a pathological way.
A root fear: Overthinking stems from a particular insecurity or root fear. This insecurity may be from childhood, a past relationship, or general low self-esteem or trust issues.